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As the year ends, your brain is seeking closure for the things that have taken place and is ready to reset for the year ahead. In today’s podcast I want to teach you the #1 end-of-year practice that will make this reflection time effective and energizing. It will help your mind focus on all of the good that happened this year, show you exactly how to grow and improve and give specific next steps to move forward into the new year. I’m teaching this entire process right here on this episode and giving six tips to ensure that the practice is 100% effective.
Topics in this episode:
Why does our brains like closure?
3 steps to an effective evaluation
Learning and growth doesn’t happen when we live life, it happens as we reflect on life
The importance of focusing on the good first
6 tips to make the evaluation process the most effective
Don’t forget to think about what is internally driving your decisions as you evaluate
Show Notes & References:
Let’s evaluate your year together and decide exactly what you need to make 2024 your best year yet. Take the next step by booking a free breakthrough call. Click here to book: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book.
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Transcript
Intro
The end of the year is often a time of reflection. it's a time when your brain is sort of seeking closure for the things that have taken place this year and is ready to reset and recharge for the new year.
There is a really effective tool that I want to teach you today in this podcast that's going to help you make that reflection time more intentional and useful.
There's actually a process to end of year reflection that, if you follow it, is going to help you end the year focused on all of the good that happened and all of the things that you did and created. And it's going to show you exactly where you need to grow and improve, as well as give you the action steps to move forward.
I'm teaching you this entire process right here in this podcast today, and I'll close with six tips to ensure that your process is as effective as possible. You ready? Let's get to it.
Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, the place for women who want to balance their ambitious career goals with their life as a mom. If you're looking to feel more confident, decisive and productive at both work and home, then this is the place for you. I'm your host, Rebecca Olson. Let's get to it.
Hello, working moms. I hope everyone is doing well. We're right smack in the middle of the holiday season, and I hope that you have been putting into practice some of the things we've talked about here on the podcast recently, particularly in the holiday series, and finding yourself more present and connected as the year is coming to a close.
There is a practice that I want to share with you that I have found instrumental in helping me really end well and begin with more clarity and motivation. And this practice that I want to share with you here, it's something that you can do at the end of the year, which is why we're going to talk about it today.
But it's also something that you can do with your goals. Like any goals that you set for 2023, or any goals that you have in your work life, or even just simply at the end of a busy season, or, at the end of your weeks or months, or even just on a bad day.
This is the kind of tool that's going to help you end well and begin again with more clarity and motivation.
Why is this practice important?
But before I share with you what this practice is, I want to tell you why it's important to have a practice like this. Because the practice is really meant to help you put a period at the end of your goal.
Or at the end of your initiative, or at the end of your bad day, or at the end of your week or busy season, whatever it is. And that's it.
That period is really important. It signifies closure.
Our brains need closure.
And your brain is always looking for closure because we like things to be sort of buttoned up in our brain.
Reflection is where learning happens.
It also forces you to reflect, and reflection is where learning happens. You don't learn as you're go, go, going in life. You learn as you're reflecting on all of the things that you're going and doing.
Another reason why this practice is so important is that it sets yourself up for the new year, or it sets yourself up for the next goal, or it sets yourself up for the next week.
Whatever it is, it helps bring focus and clarity on how you want to move forward based on what you have learned in your past. I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. I'm ready to share it. You ready? I'm excited. Okay.
The practice is evaluation.
Today I want to teach you a very simple three step evaluation and offer you six tips on how to make your evaluations extremely effective. And that's a really good place to start here.
I want to talk about that word, effective.
What does it even mean to have an effective evaluation? Because we really don't want you to waste your time doing something that's not effective and useful.
So an effective evaluation is one where you shift your energy out of the negative so that you focus on what you've accomplished and what you've progressed in, rather than what you haven't.
The gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Secondly, an effective evaluation shows you your areas of improvement, shows you the gap between where you are and where you want to be, so you have clarity around what went wrong the last time.
And then you have a plan for how to move forward so you don't repeat the same mistakes.
Let me give you a couple of examples, and I'll start with myself, because last weekend I was feeling really discouraged.
I could tell that my brain was ruminating on it being the end of the year and some of the goals that I've set for myself and my business that haven't really happened yet.
And my brain is just really focused on how there is no time left. I just felt this overall sense of discouragement, like a cloud over me. And so I decided to do an evaluation.
That was the tool I decided to use to help kind of sort through it and get myself out of it. And so I took a paper to pen out, and I sat down and went through this evaluation process that I'm going to walk you through.
It took me no more than 15 minutes, but when I got to the end, I actually laughed at myself out loud. I couldn't even believe it.
My discouragement was totally gone. I felt crystal clear on exactly why I was feeling so discouraged.
Like the literal thoughts and mindsets, the things I was thinking about that was making me feel so discouraged. And I was able to instantaneously turn them around.
Once I saw them, I was able to get up. My shoulders felt lighter. I could feel this sense of relief and peace, almost like it was like magic.
15 minutes is all it took for me to do a complete energetic turnaround in my mind.
Let me give you another example. I had a client that recently went through probably the most difficult, stressful period of her working life ever.
So we started this session with an evaluation of this sort of season that she was going through. And she had a lot of resistance to it because her brain was really stuck in all of the things that she had done wrong.
And it was focusing on every little conversation that didn't quite go the way she had planned and every task that she didn't do and people's reactions and their disappointments of various things.
Her brain had the hardest time loosening up from all of those negative thoughts and feelings.
But as we worked through together, she was able to push through, and by the end, she felt so much more peace.
And it wasn't like things had magically changed. We just showed her brain that there was a bigger picture here, that there were, in fact, lots of things that had gone well and many things to be proud of, which helped soften all of the things that hadn't gone well.
And ultimately, it let her process and shift out of that negative space so much faster.
Shifting out of your negative energy, knowing exactly what went wrong, and having a plan to move forward, that is an effective evaluation.
So, let's talk about the process, and here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to walk you through each step of the process, and then I'm going to give you my own example of an evaluation I did just before I sat down to record this podcast, so that you have a really clear sense of exactly what these three steps look like.
Focus on the good.
So, the first step of the evaluation process is to focus on the good. I want you to sit down. Writing is always preferable when you're doing evaluations, and for me, that simply looks like a bullet pointed list.
Write down all of the things that went well.
Okay, you sit down. Step one, I want you to write down all of the things that went well, you're focusing on the good here, the progress made, the things you're proud of.
So the example evaluation that I am going to give you is one that I did on creating balance this past year. Essentially, how did I do on this goal of feeling balanced this year? I'm evaluating the year based on that criteria.
So here's what went well for me in creating balance this past year. And I'm not going to give you everything. I'm just kind of giving you a flavor of the kinds of things I wrote down here.
What went well? Two things that were super key.
At some point in the middle of the year, I turned off my work email on my phone so that I could no longer check my work email on my phone.
I found that too often I was just doing this little scrolling thing, checking my email, checking my email, pushing the home button as I walked by. And it was just very distracting for me. It was just taking me away from my family. And so I removed my email from my phone.
Second thing I did, I started putting my phone to sleep in the kitchen rather than next to me at my bedside. That way I didn't do nighttime scrolling.
I got to bed sooner. I picked up books and other activities, had conversations with my husband, all these kinds of things because I didn't have a phone near me at night. Huge.
They were two big things that I did at some point in the middle of the year that really, really helped.
I focused on what I've been calling constraints. I really, really prioritized and brought focus to particularly my work life. That really helped create a sense of balance and overall success.
During this year, I focused on reading fun books. So I didn't do any self development books this year, like at night, on my bedstand or anything like that. I did fun books.
I took time off with my kids. Whenever they had time off of school, I took the same time off.
Except for the summer, of course, I took some vacations this summer, but generally speaking, like when they were off for three day holidays or they were off for spring break and when they were off for Thanksgiving and all these things, I took off the time that they took off at the same time so that I could have fun and be connected with my kids during their days off.
Generally speaking, I did not work past 4:30 almost all year. Of course, there were some days that I had to, there were things that were going on, but generally speaking, I had a very strict work schedule that ended by 4:30 over the course of the year.
I'm living life exactly as I want.
I had the thought - I'm living life exactly as I want. This is exactly the schedule I want. This is exactly the rhythm I want. That was like a mindset.
I also very intentionally was working at cultivating a couple of other mindsets that I think were really, really important to me in creating balance.
One of them was, I am secure.
Another one was, I am successful.
And another one was, I am capable.
And the last thing I wrote down here is that we hired coaches this year. I hired a money coach to help me sort out my thoughts about money and my money mindset.
We hired a parenting coach to really help us through some challenges as parents. We hired my husband a health coach for his journey that he wanted to be on.
We really put dollars to the support that we felt like we needed this year.
That was huge in helping us feel successful as parents and successful as a couple and individuals.
So there's my what went well? Part of the assessment that is step one.
All right, you're focusing on all of the good. Step two is to write down all the things that were not so good, all the things that did not go well, all the things that you wish wouldn't have happened, if you will.
Step 2: What didn’t go well.
And here's what I had to say about my goal of creating balance this year. Here are the things that didn't go so well. I found myself turning on my computer, like, sneaking into my office and turning on my computer at night to check my email.
I didn't have my email on my phone anymore, so all I could do was go to my computer and turn it on. And it was just so obvious to me when I was doing it. And I had a season of doing that more than I would like to admit that I was doing that.
I also stopped doing some of the daily practices that I know are just so useful to me. You kind of get out of rhythm sometimes, right?
And there was, like, a long period of time that I got out of some of my daily mindset tools that I was using, some of the daily journaling prompts that I was using.
And there was several months in there, and I really felt the difference of not having that space to clear my mind.
Feeling not enough.
I also really battled a not enough mindset, like, all year, just feeling like I wasn't working enough or I wasn't doing enough, feeling like I wasn't successful enough, feeling like I wasn't spending enough time with my husband in particular.
This not enoughness is a very common mindset for me, but I really saw it present this year, and I had to really work at combating it all year long.
One thing that also did not go so well as the kids got more engaged in activities - this year by far, our kids have been in activities more than they ever have been before.
It really threw all of our rhythms as a family off, and it was difficult to navigate when do we do homework and when do we eat as a family and do we eat as a family and what are our priorities here as we're kind of starting to play taxi for our kids. And that felt very up and down as we were going through the process.
Okay, so there you go. Just a flavor of my list of what didn't go so well this year and the things that kind of contributed to me feeling out of balance at times. So that's step two.
Step 3: What to do differently.
And the last step here is to think about what you want to do differently. The last step is to essentially put together a plan for how you're going to address the things that didn't go so well so they don't happen again. Right.
So on my what to do differently list is date nights. I want to prioritize date nights next year with my husband. I want to really increase the time that I am connecting to him.
Two, I have a strong commitment to keep steady with my mindset, journaling practices that I have. I mean, I'm back into the swing of that now. I know that what tends to happen is when I get out of rhythm, whether that's holidays or vacation or just like a strange season, I have a difficult time getting back into those rhythms.
So I'm very committed to why I do those practices and staying committed to it. It's in my calendar daily, the times that I'm going to do it. So really focusing on that.
I also over this next year, really want to address this kind of hole that I have, this almost desperation, this need to check my email at night.
Why do I turn on the computer to check my email? That's crazy to me.
And I really haven't done the work to kind of process through what's going on here.
What's the emotional draw?
What am I feeling like I need to get out of checking my email?
And so I want to do some kind of self coaching on that and self diagnosing of that and sort of correct some of those habits that didn't go so well this past year.
There you go. So that's step three. That gives you kind of a flavor of what step three would look like.
So, just to recap very simply, when you're doing an evaluation, you're doing three things:
You are writing down what went well, all of the good stuff.
You are focusing on what did not go well or where the gaps were.
What do you want to do differently next time or next year or next week?
So let's circle back to the idea of ensuring that your evaluation is effective and useful for you. I have six tips that I want to give you.
Tip number one, always start with the good.
Let me repeat, always start with the good. It's why it's step number one.
Remember that our brains have a negative bias, which means that you are very likely in tune with all the things that have not gone so well and all the things that you've done wrong and the ways that you failed. Those likely are not hard for your brain to rattle off.
But before you let your brain go there, we need to remind your brain that there's also good, that there is ways that you have hit it out of the park, that there are things that you're doing and ways that are operating that you want to keep.
We want your brain to see those things first so you feel a sense of peace, a sense of calm, before shifting your brain towards improvement.
It's going to really help bring perspective and sort of lessen all of the things that did not go so well.
Stay away from shame and guilt.
Tip number two is to stay away from shame and guilt. Shame is almost never useful to you. My coach used to say that she never allowed herself to go to shame. She was willing to feel any other emotion. But shame was the one way to get downward, and it's never, ever useful, and it always comes from a place of blowing things out of proportion and a lack of perspective.
So, after doing your evaluation, I want you to build a resiliency wall against shame. I sort of add guilt in here, too, because I know that that can also happen for a lot of you.
Remember, this evaluation is meant to redirect you into a positive energy, or at least a more neutral energy. And if your evaluation is not doing that, then it's not going to be as effective as it can be.
The shame spiral.
So if you ever find yourself heading down the shame spiral, judging yourself, thinking things shouldn't have happened to this way, you're a terrible person, a terrible mom, terrible employee, wife, all because of it.
I want you to stop.
Stop and go back to the good. Maybe you even write down a few more what went well. How do I know that those things went well? Don't let yourself go down that shame spiral.
Include your thoughts and feelings in the evaluation.
Tip number three - make sure to include both your thoughts and your feelings in your evaluation. All of us are ambitious, which means that we're action takers, we're doers, but our actions are not what create our results in our life.
It's our thoughts and our emotions that drive our actions that create our reality.
So, in your evaluation, as you write about the good and the not so good, I want you to make sure you're thinking about your thoughts and your feelings as well.
Think about what's going on inside of you, what's driving your actions.
If you have a hard time doing this, it takes practice. So don't worry. I'm almost five years into really learning how to hone my thoughts and my emotions, and I still find it difficult sometimes.
But here's what I want you to do. I want you to look at the things that you did well. So, for example, if you're doing an evaluation of your year and you say, what went well is more often than not, you were able to shut down your computer at 5pm to be with your family.
I want you to think about what was the thought or the mindset that allowed you to do that, that pushed you to do that.
It might be something like, family is the most important thing. Or time with my kids is precious. I'm not sacrificing time with them for work.
Some of the emotions that might have driven that were commitment, confidence. So make sure that your evaluation has your thoughts and your emotions listed as well.
Only focus on the things you control.
Tip four. Only focus on the things you control. remember, one of the principles of creating an ambitious and balanced life is ownership.
If the problem always lies with someone else, then the solution is found with them too, which means you don't have any control over it.
One of my favorite questions to help you take ownership and control is to ask yourself, how did I create this? Or what was my contribution to this?
I remember doing an evaluation with one of my clients who had committed to her working schedule being eight to five and not logging back on after 5pm. And she was doing well with that for a while.
But she hit a month where bad habits creeped up, and she brought it to coaching, and we did a little evaluation around it and what had gone well during that last month and the things that had not gone so well and what she wanted to do differently.
And when it came to the things that didn't go well, she said things like this.
Well, two people on my team quit this month, and I had to pick up the slack nobody else knows how to do exactly the tasks I do on my team. I'm the only one that could do them. There were exponentially more problems and escalations taking place. Since I am the team lead, it falls on me to make sure those things are being taken care of, and so I had to spend a lot more time working.
All these things sound logical, don't they? You probably have found yourself saying these things, or imagine yourself putting them down on an evaluation too, right?
But you see how there's no ownership.
She's saying the problem is that two people on her team quit. She has no control over that.
She's saying that the problem is that there were more escalations than usual. She doesn't have any control over that.
The problem is that nobody knows how to do her job. Again. She doesn't have any control over that.
Let me be clear. You should still have these things on your evaluation, but I want you to think about how you made those things happen or how you contributed to that being a problem.
So in this case, she was able to say that she never really stopped and reprioritized, she just sort of assumed that she needed to do everything, and so she did.
She also said she never recalibrated with her boss and said, hey, I've got double the things to do since two people left her team. Where do you want me to focus? What do you want me to let go of?
She never stopped and set new deadlines that were more attainable, reset expectations with clients, right?
There were things that she could have controlled despite the circumstances that would have made her feel more in balance and help her stick to her desired schedule.
So there were aspects of what she did do or didn't do in this case, that contributed to her feeling out of balance.
I want you to focus on the things you can control, because those are the things that become your solution. And that's really important, as we now talk about tip number five.
Be specific.
Tip number five is to be specific on the things that you're going to do differently based on the things that did not go so well. So here's what I mean.
Coming back to my client in this month that she had, where she didn't keep to her schedule that she wanted, and she was working way later than she ever really wanted to.
When we got to the third part of the evaluation, what was she going to do differently?
She said she was going to set a weekly meeting with her boss to discuss his priorities so that they were clear on what they wanted to accomplish, and they had a unified vision.
Notice how specific that is. She decided that she needed 15 minutes at the end of every workday to really transition and close out her workday and her work mind so that she wouldn't feel so compelled to log back on after she put her daughter to sleep.
So she put a 15 minutes transition period in her calendar, and then she also blocked off the 15 minutes before that so that there were no meetings that would get scheduled. And she had a full 30 minutes without meetings at the end of her workday, where 15 minutes of that was to kind of wrap up things and 15 minutes was to close down at the end of the day.
A good plan is very specific.
It can't just say, start saying, no. It can't just say, do better next time. It can't just say, I got to make sure I close down at 5pm or I got to get my husband to cook dinner twice a week. Your brain doesn't know what to do with any of that. It's not going to be helpful.
Specificity is important. And again, it's always focusing on the things that you can do.
Set a timer.
All right, your last tip. Set a timer. One of the things I have realized that really prevents me from making evaluations happen is I have the thought that they're going to take a really long time.
But an effective evaluation really doesn't have to, particularly if we're talking about something that's taking place in a shorter period of time, like you're evaluating your week or your day or your month or a season or a goal.
If you're evaluating a whole year, you might need to give yourself a little bit more time. That's reasonable because you're thinking about your whole year, but it doesn't really have to take that long.
So I just give myself ten minutes sometimes and I set a timer and say, I'm going to be done in ten minutes. And that really helps my brain not feel so overwhelmed with the idea that I've got to write absolutely everything down.
Make it short, sweet, and focused.
There you go, my friends. Six steps to making your evaluations effective and useful. Remember, learning and growth come from reflection.
The evaluation practice is meant for you to create an intentional space to reflect, learn, and decide how you want to make it better.
Now, I know a lot of you do evaluations at work. Sometimes they're called post mortems, or there's some type of value or some type of process that a lot of you have after projects or after closing out clients, or obviously, there's things like end of the year evaluations. Most of you already do this in your work life in some form or another, to have learning and improving and making plans.
And now I want you to take that practice and put it into your personal life and see how much faster you start reaching your goals.
Working moms, don't forget, 2023 is not over yet.
Right now, this moment is always the best time to commit to making your ambitious and balanced life happen.
Don't wait till 2024.
I still have a few openings for the new year in my private practice and there is still time for us to talk about coaching and to make that your plan for having your ambitious and balanced life that you want next year.
You can snatch up one of those last remaining spots in my calendar by going to www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book to fill out a quick little prep form and tell me where you're at, what you want to make 2024 all about, and for us to set up a time then to connect.
All right, working moms, evaluate.
Have a wonderful holiday and until then, let's get to it.
