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There are 8 core beliefs that will unlock your ability to feel balanced. No matter how much you accomplish, no matter how much time you spend with your kids and no matter what anyone else thinks, when you are able to hold onto these 8 core beliefs, no matter what, you will be able to prioritize yourself and your family without compromising your career. Today on the podcast, I am diving deep into these 8 beliefs and why they are such an important part of creating balance.
Topics in this episode:
8 core beliefs that make WHO you are, unshakeable
Two words that declare who you are
Why what you believe about yourself matters more than anything else
What you need to believe to stop caring so much about what others think
What you need to believe to start prioritizing joy and fun instead of tasks
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Show Notes:
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Transcript
Intro
Working moms, we're celebrating today. We’re celebrating that this podcast has crossed over the 100,000 download milestone, woohoo! This is just so mind boggling to me.
I love, love, love being able to support all of you through this podcast. I get so much joy out of writing, recording the content, and putting it out into the world for you.
But really, the thing that brings me so much satisfaction and joy is knowing that you have shared this podcast, and that is what makes it successful.
I hear from listeners all the time that tell me how impactful this podcast has been and how they have shared it with their friends and that just means the world to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being a listener and for sharing this podcast with your network.
If you haven't done so already, please rate and review this podcast. That is still the number one way to get this podcast out to more listeners, because it moves the podcast higher up in all searches. So as working moms go out to search for podcasts that have to do with work life balance, this one rises to the top through your ratings and reviews.
So please, wherever you listen to this podcast, whether it's on Apple or Spotify or wherever it may be, please rate this podcast and then write just a few short sentences about the impact that this podcast has made on you.
Thank you in advance for doing that and for being such a huge part of making this podcast successful! Let’s get to it.
Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, the place for women who want to balance their ambitious career goals with their life as a mom. If you're looking to feel more confident, decisive, and productive at both work and home, then this is the place for you. I'm your host, Rebecca Olson. Let's get to it.
Having worked with hundreds of working moms, coaching them directly, having had conversations with thousands of working moms about what it takes to feel balanced and actually have the life that you want to have as a working mom, I have discovered there are some very inherent beliefs that set apart those that are able to experience and unlock that feeling of balance and those that struggle to do so or simply cannot.
Just 8 powerful beliefs that make creating a balanced life easier for you. If all you did over the next few weeks is work to believe these eight things, you would start to make decisions to prioritize differently.
You would stop caring so much about what other people think. You would stop procrastinating. You would log off at the time that you want and not log back on with more ease. You'd feel better about yourself as a mom and the time that you spend with your kids.
These are the things that you want in a balanced life. And these eight beliefs are what is going to help you unlock them. I'm going to walk you through these eight core beliefs in this podcast, but if you need help learning how to make these your default mindset, if you need help learning how to internalize these beliefs, coaching could be a really great next step for you. And I would love to connect over a free coaching call to discuss exactly how I will help you get there.
Life altering beliefs.
So please, please don't just listen to these mindsets and these beliefs and think, oh, yeah, I should really work on that. Or, I know that I need to shift and start believing this, but not actually do anything differently. These are not, it would be nice to believe, kinds of mindsets. These are life altering beliefs that when you truly let them go from your head to your heart, when you truly learn how to embody them, they will change your life and unlock for you the ability to balance all of the different facets of your life in a completely different way.
These are not, ‘it would be nice mindsets’ - these are must have mindsets.
Now, each of these beliefs starts with two of the most powerful, declarative words on this planet - I am. Each of these eight beliefs that I'm going to share with you today start with these two words. And the reason for that is, it's a declaration of who you are. Declaring who you are without any filter, without any footnote, without any asterisks, without any caveat.
Declaring who we are.
It doesn't matter how much you do. It doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter how successful you are. It doesn't matter how much you have in your bank account. It doesn't matter if you own a house. It doesn't matter how much time you spend with your kids. It doesn't matter if you're a single mom or you're in a relationship. We are declaring that who you are doesn't change. These eight things will always be true about you, no matter what.
It's really fun to watch my clients begin to embody these beliefs in coaching. These are the moments where my clients will tell me that they were able to power down and log off at 5:30pm.
Over the last couple of weeks, they've been doing it consistently. And when I ask them what's really unlocked their ability to do that, they'll tell me something like, well, I just trust I did enough today, and that the things I didn't get to are not the end of the world. And it's okay if someone's upset.
Yes! I always have, like, a celebration moment. This is so exciting. What she's doing in telling me this is, she's embodying one or more of these beliefs that I am going to share with you today.
Think of another client who just last week told me that she was able to protect a whole day just for her, like, heads down, getting a bunch of things done. And when I asked her how she was able to do that, she said, well, I'm the priority. And when I prioritize my tasks over other people's urgent ones, I get more done, I'm more productive, and my work is better. I show up better, at home, and with my kids. Yes, she gets it. She is embodying one of these beliefs that we're going to be talking about today.
When you make a decision to do the things that make you feel balanced or that contribute to a way of life that feels balanced, I guarantee it's, because you are deeply embodying and believing in one of these eight things that we're going to talk about. Are you ready? You sure you're ready? Okay, let's get to it.
I am enough.
So belief number one, and I have spoken about this often on the podcast. It's one of those deep down core beliefs I just think is so important that really unlocks balance. It's the belief I am enough.
I am enough is essentially the belief that you don't need to be or do anything more. You don't need to complete any more tasks on your to do list. You don't need to have a cleaner house. You don't have to spend more time with your kids. You don't need any more time to work. You don't need anything more. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You're completely sufficient the way things are. Nothing needs to change within you or what you do. That is what it means to believe that I am enough.
The reason why this is such an important belief in creating balance is because it stops you from chasing more. It has you believing that the life you have today, the person you are today, is enough. You don't need anything else. You already have it.
Most of our imbalanced behaviors come from us chasing more, chasing more productivity, more validation, more success, more time.
When you believe that you are enough, that you're completely sufficient, you stop needing more so much. So that's belief number one.
I am secure.
Belief number two is I am secure. Now, this has a lot to do with your safety. And when it really comes down to it, we fear, we do a lot of things to avoid it because we fear failure, because failure feels very unsafe to us.
Failing in our brain often has this sort of worst case scenario, like, I'm going to lose my job or my house, or we're going to starve, or I won't be able to provide for my family, or I won't have the people in my life, or we're going to have to change our way of life. It's all this kind of worst case scenario thinking that's kind of wrapped up in the fear of failure. And it makes sense that if failing, which could mean anything from losing your job or not being put on a project or not landing a client, or not getting the validation or recognition that you think you deserve, all of that feels like failure to us.
And if it was actually true that our livelihood was at stake, that your family's livelihood was at stake, then it makes sense that failure would feel really unsafe, and that you should continue to prioritize work instead of all of the other things. But the likelihood of you prioritizing something other than work actually meaning that your livelihood was at stake, is very, very small.
And that's why this core belief, I am secure, is such an important one that creates balance. I am secure. I am safe. I'm not going anywhere. Even if I lost my job, I would get another one. Prioritizing something other than work does not jeopardize who I am. I'm secure in myself and what I offer.
I belong.
Core belief number three, that unlocks your ability to truly feel balanced, is I belong. Now, I know that's not actually a I am statement, but it's still a very powerful grounding statement. To believe that you belong means that you have a place, you have a people. You're not alone.
I believe 100% that we, as human beings, were designed to live in community, that we need other people, not really to be able to survive. I think we could survive on our own, but to experience the fullness that life has for us, the happiness, the joy in life, I believe we need other people. And in this belief, I belong, it's stating that no matter what, you have a place, you have a tribe, you belong somewhere, you have a function within a community. People need you in that community.
Back in tribal days, if you did not have a place in the tribe, if you did not contribute to the success of the tribe, you were kicked out, and thus, you likely died. I mean, why would a tribe feed you or hunt for you if you play? No function if you don't belong to the people? And although today it's not about actual survival in the wild, it is about social survival.
We want to know that we have friends and that we will always have friends. The reason this is such an important part of creating balance is because we make a lot of decisions to please others, to stay in other people's good graces, to feel like we're contributing.
And when you believe that you belong, no matter how much time you put into your friendships, no matter what season of life you're in, no matter how much you give, when you believe that you have a function, always you have a sense of belonging, always you stop making so many decisions to make sure people are always happy with you. And instead, you make decisions that truly serve you and your family.
You always belong. And even if you don't think that the community that you're involved in right now is your people or is your place, or maybe the community at work is not your people or your place. You can believe that it exists for you and that you can go find it because you belong. You always belong.
I am successful.
Core belief number four I am successful. Did you know that you get to define success however you want? American culture sort of defines success in its connection to money and status. But chasing money and status does not have to be your definition of success. In fact, in a balanced life, it's often not. It's certainly not a life that feels enough or sufficient.
So you get to define success for you based on your values, your goals, your desires. And it's important that you do that and you actually spend the time to define what success means for you if it's not money and power. Because you do in fact, need to believe that you are successful and that what you are doing in this life is pushing you towards goals where you are actually in the middle of achieving the life that you want. It's not way out there. It's not like you're going to get there eventually. It's like it's right now. You're successful right now.
It might not be perfect. You may still want some other things in life, you still may want to change some things in life, but that doesn't mean that you're not successful now. You can be successful now and want more. I am successful. Feels good. Yeah.
I am working towards bigger goals and even greater things and everything I've done up till this time has also led me to this success. It feels so powerful for me to think that believing that you are successful right now and always stops you from some of that chasing of more just like we talked about earlier in that first belief, I am enough.
It helps you feel satisfied. You acknowledge the accomplishments, the achievements you've already done. It brings about a sense of pride, of joy.
This is a tough one for so many women to believe because our culture and just the human existence focuses so much on what we lack and what we don't do or didn't do or couldn't do or should have done today. Right? And this belief counters all of that.
It doesn't matter how much you do or what you do. You're successful. You are always moving things forward. You are always moving towards goals. And this belief helps you focus on progress made and things achieved, instead of focusing on all those things that you didn't do today or couldn't do today that makes you feel terrible. It's why it's such an important part of creating balance.
Balanced people see life, generally speaking, through the lens of success. It's not that they're not aware of all of the things they could have done or should have done differently or maybe want to tweak later on. It's just that their brain sees more success than it does failure. I am successful.
I am adequate.
Belief number 5, I am adequate. This is such a good one. This is the one that I want you to feel all the way deep down into your bones, because it is such a fear for ambitious people.
Ambitious people, kind of deep down, have this fear that they are inadequate, meaning that they're not good enough. And to believe that you're adequate is to believe that you meet all of the standards, that you are never, in fact, failing as a person. And it's not just about you as a person. It's about what you do and what you produce being adequate as well. That what you do and produce is good. It has meaning, it has purpose. It meets bigger and higher goals.
You can actually believe that you are adequate and still fail at things. Did you know that being adequate doesn't mean that you hit every goal that you set out to achieve. It doesn't mean that you nail every presentation, or that you prioritize perfectly, or that everybody's even happy with you. It doesn't mean that you're first in your class or best on the team.
It just means that you are capable, that you're good, that you do good work. It's adequate, it's successful, and you have everything you need to continue to be that way. You're never going to lose it. I am adequate, what I do is good.
I am valuable.
Belief number 6 is: I am valuable. Meaning that the things that you do, the good things that you do, have purpose behind them. The things that you do matter. You're changing the world, you're changing your team. You're impacting your clients, you're impacting your kids. The things that you do matter, and that if you were to go away, there'd be a big gap or a hole.
Believing I am valuable is a belief that kind of ends your search for purpose and meaning, because you already have it. Even if you can't fully put it into words, you know that intrinsically, you have purpose and what you do is valuable in this world.
You have purpose and what you do is valuable in this world.
Another flavor of this might be I am significant. It has a lot to do with believing that you're valuable. But it's the belief that the things that you do are significant, that they're making a really big impact. That the value you're putting out into the world is doing big things. It's significant. It's necessary.
This belief, I am valuable, I am significant. It has you sort of zooming out. It has you connecting all of the little moments that you have with your kids and looking at them through the lens of significance, knowing that they're making an impact in their life and who they're going to become in the future.
This belief has you thinking about even on not very productive days, it has you thinking about how important your work is, how you're showing up, how you're being there for your team. Is impactful. Just your presence is impactful.
This belief sort of stops you from always needing the big wins all of the time, always needing to be visible, always needing to be on top, always needing to be recognized and validated all the time. Because you see what you do, even down to the minutiae of life, all of the small things, you see all of it as being valuable and significant and part of a bigger picture.
I am lovable.
Belief number seven is I am lovable. It's not even that you're loved because that has you focusing on the people that love you. To believe that you're lovable is to believe that you have qualities that people are attracted to, that no matter what you do or don't do, no matter what you achieve or don't achieve, people will always gravitate towards you. There will always be people that have an affection for you and desire to be near you.
I come back to what I was talking about earlier when I was talking about the belief that you belong. To belong means that you have a place where you have people or you have a function that's necessary. To believe that you're always lovable is to believe that people always desire to be around you and that there will always be people that desire your affection and gravitate toward your being. When you're lovable, you're never alone.
Many psychologists would say that deep down on this core level, all we really want to know as human beings is that we're loved, that people desire to be near us, that people feel a tenderness or an affection towards us, that people choose us no matter what.
Again, human beings function, at least I believe, best in community. And our ability to experience joy at the highest level is found when we're in community. And when you believe that you are lovable, no matter what, no matter how many friends you have, no matter if you're in a relationship or a partnership right now, no matter how close or distant your family is, to believe that you are lovable is to believe that you're desired.
And even if those things don't exist today in the way that you want, you can believe that they exist for you and that it's your job to go find them. And this sort of ends that chase for people's approval, the need to hear other people's validation for you, the need to feel approved.
Be okay with others being disappointed in you.
So much of living a balanced life is the willingness for others to feel disappointed in you. Let me say it again, to be willing for other people to be disappointed in you, to be okay with your decision to prioritize your life over work, being okay with that, having a negative impact on someone else.
I'm not actually saying it will have a negative impact, I'm saying you just have to be willing to feel that. And when you believe that you are lovable, no matter what, no matter if somebody's happy with you or not or disappointed in you, it gives you the option, the choice to make a decision to prioritize things in a different way.
It's deciding to push back that deadline, no matter how anybody else may feel about it.
It's deciding to leave work and not log back on again, even if the rest of your team might be working late tonight.
It’s being okay with being the only person on your team that can't make the meeting and so everybody else has to rearrange their schedule in order to make it work for you.
It's deciding to push back and say no on a project, even if that means somebody else on your team is going to have to take it, and you already know that they're feeling overwhelmed and burnt out too.
When you're lovable, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how anyone else feels. It doesn't change you as a person.
Okay, we've arrived at the last belief. You ready for it? This is belief number 8, and it goes along with this last one about being lovable. And this is the belief that I am desirable. There's a lot of similarities, but the way that this shows up a lot of the times with my clients in coaching, it's the belief more that your skill set is desirable. Like, you are always hireable someone, always wants you on their team.
This is so important when you're trying to create a life that feels balanced. Because oftentimes our brain likes to think that the job we have now or the team we're on now, like, this is it, right? There's nothing better than this versus believing that somebody always wants to hire you. In fact, they want to fight over you. You are that desirable to them.
Just imagine believing that at a deep down core level. How would that change the things that you prioritize? How would it help you to prioritize family and fun and adventure over work if your job isn't working for you, if it's not allowing the balanced life in the way that you want?
You are always desirable. Someone will always want to hire you. You don't have to settle.
Okay, I want to list out these eight beliefs for you again. And if you're able, I want you to close your eyes for just 30 seconds and really listen to each of them. I want you to take a couple of deep breaths just to focus your attention on the here and now. And then I want you to imagine that as I say these over you, that your entire body is being filled up with each of these beliefs. Are you ready? Okay, here we go.
I am enough.
I am secure.
I always belong.
I am successful.
I am adequate.
I am valuable.
I am lovable.
I am desirable.
Working Moms two weeks ago, I interviewed one of my past clients, Meredith, on this podcast. If you haven't taken a listen to that, I highly suggest going back. We talked about how circumstantially there isn't much difference about her life, but her experience of her circumstances, her joy, her satisfaction, her sense of control, her calmness all of these things have dramatically changed.
Not because we changed anything in her job or in her life in any big way, but she changed what she was believing. And these beliefs that we just talked about here today, these eight beliefs were such a big part of that.
I want to help. I can help you feel more confident, satisfied, and in control of your life. We talked all about the mindset piece right here on this podcast today. But that's not the only thing we do in coaching. We also take very actionable steps.
Coaching for ambitious working moms.
In coaching, I help you develop an internal compass to really guide your decisions based on your values and what's most important to you. We talk through the most challenging parts of your days. We talk about how to optimize them. We create protocols to help guide you through some of those tougher emotional moments of your day so that you don't carry around a bunch of emotional baggage. We start making decisions for what it is you really want, big picture in your life. Coaching with me has both a mindset and a tactical, action focused component to it as well.
If you're ready to get started or you want to learn more about how to adopt these mindsets and exactly how we'll do that and some of the other tools and strategies we talk about in order to be more productive and efficient with your time and more present, schedule your free breakthrough call with me where we will talk about your specific life and circumstances and come up with a plan to help you feel more confident and balanced.
I can't wait to connect with you to take these beliefs to a much deeper, further level. All right, Working Moms, have a great week, and I'll talk to you next Monday. Let's get to it.
