The endless to do list

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You get to decide what you want to think about your to do list. You could decide to think “I’m behind” or “I’m not getting enough done”, which is likely going to leave you feeling inadequate and exhausted or you can choose to think “I’m on top of everything” or “I know what I’m doing”, which will have you feeling successful and accomplished. In today’s podcast, I’m talking about how important your thoughts are when it comes to your to do list. I will walk you through the kinds of thoughts that are not to think and I’ll give examples of exactly what you need to think in order to walk away from work feeling accomplished, successful and satisfied (no matter how many things you checked off the list). And then at the end, I offer one very simple five minute practice to help you get out of “it’s not enough” thinking.

Topics in this episode:

  • Why the length of your to do list doesn’t matter

  • Choosing positive thoughts about your to-do’s and the impact that has

  • How to feel accomplished at the end of the workday, no matter how many things were checked off the list

  • The starting point to getting more done in less time

  • A simple 5-minute practice to help you end your workday with “I accomplished enough” thinking

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

You get to decide what you want to think about your to do list. You can decide to think you're behind you're not getting enough done, which is likely going to leave you feeling inadequate and exhausted at the end of your workday. 

Or you can choose to think you're on top of everything. You know what you're doing. You're good at what you do. You get to decide what you think. 

You can decide your thoughts.

In today's podcast, we're talking about how important your thoughts are when it comes to the length of your to do list. Your thoughts don't just happen to you. You actually get to decide what you want to think about how much you accomplished today. 

In this episode, I will walk you through the kinds of thoughts that are not useful to you to think when it comes to your to do list, specifically the length of your to do list. 

And I'll give you examples of exactly what you need to be thinking in order to walk away from work feeling accomplished, successful, and satisfied, no matter how many things you checked off your list.

And then at the end, I offer one very simple five-minute practice to help you get out of your it's not enough thinking you ready? Let's get to it. 

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, the place for women who want to balance their ambitious career goals with their life as a mom. If you're looking to feel more confident, decisive, and productive at both work and home, then this is the place for you. I'm your host, Rebecca Olson. Let's get to it. 

Hello, working moms. I hope the school year has started out well for you and your family. Whether you've been in school for a month like we have, or you're just starting right here after Labor Day, I'm thinking of you all and all of the commitments that come with the new school year. 

For me, I have picture day today. Tomorrow I have a parent teacher group meeting that is starting up this year. I'm going to be more involved in the parent teacher group. 

I’m an art docent for one of my kids class, so I have a meeting about that this week. 

There's soccer pictures that I have to remember to sign up for. My daughter is going to be in a running club. I need to make sure she has everything that she needs. 

There are just a lot of extras that come with the beginning of the school year, and I know the responsibility of making sure all of those sort of extras happen. It often falls on the mom. 

Now, I'm not going to get into why that's true and why this actually happens. I actually did podcast with a marriage coach where we talked about the burden that women tend to have in the family to kind of manage the logistics of the family. 

So I will pop that into the show notes so you can go back and listen to that because it was such a good conversation around sort of how to even out the logistical load in the family if that's something that you need or want. 

But regardless, I just want to acknowledge you and all that you're doing for your family and your kids and trying to do right by them and support them and give them everything that they need and set them up for success in school and their fall activities. 

I just want you to know that I see you, that you're not alone. There's a lot going on, and I am here on this podcast to help you through that. 

So with all these extra things going on in life and in your family life, it feels like the right time to talk about your endless to do list. 

That's actually a little bit of a tongue twister. I had to go back and re-record this multiple times endless to do list because I had to really enunciate it. That's really funny to me to concentrate on all of those syllables and words. 

Anyway, it feels so important to have this conversation right now because of this season of the year. 

Now, I'm not going to talk about managing your to do list. I'm not going to talk about how to be more productive with your time or how to be more effective at organizing yourself and how to make sure you're not dropping the ball on anything. That is not what this podcast is about. 

Let me set it up in this way. I had a recent coaching session with a client, I think it was maybe even last week. 

She came to me saying that she was feeling really good because all of these things that she had had on her to do list for quite some time, I think maybe even months, she'd, like, finally been able to get them done. 

And she had had a couple of days where she just felt super accomplished and it felt really good. And if you listen to my most recent podcast on closing loops and checking boxes, that totally makes sense, right? 

Closing the loop feels so good.

All of these open tasks that had been in her head, all these things that she'd been needing to get done for so long, checking off that box and finally getting it done just feels super good. It feels really good to close that loop. 

So I asked her to tell me her thoughts right now, having checked a bunch of boxes off over the last few days, and here's what she said. I'm literally quoting her. 

“I got out from under a bunch of things. I'm on top of everything. I, know I'm not letting anyone down. I'm meeting expectations.” 

And then I asked her how those thoughts felt to her. How did it feel to think, I got out from under a bunch of things and I'm on top of everything, and I know I'm not letting anyone down, and I'm meeting expectations. How do those thoughts feel? And here's what she said. 

She said she feels accomplished. She feels responsible. She feels successful. She even said something like, she feels like she's able to relax and rest. 

It’s not how much you do, it’s how you think about yourself.

And here's what I told her. It wasn't the fact that she had checked off a bunch of things on her to do list that was making her feel accomplished and like she could relax. It was what she was thinking about herself. 

You see, her completing these tasks was just the trigger point. It was the impetus for a brand new set of thoughts that she hadn't been thinking before. 

Now, I didn't ask her this question, but my guess is, before she had completed these tasks, these tasks that she had had on her list for the last several months, she was probably thinking things like, I should really get those things done. I can't catch up. I'm so behind. I'm letting everyone down. They're probably waiting on me. I should be able to get more done. 

And how do those thoughts, feel when you're thinking them? 

For me, those thoughts make me feel like a failure. They make me feel inadequate, unsuccessful, even incapable. 

Notice how different your thoughts and emotions are before you accomplish a bunch of things on your to do list and then after you accomplish those things on your to do list. 

Because here's the crux of what I want to share with you today. This is the whole point of this podcast. 

The thoughts I got out from under a bunch of things, I'm on top of things. I know I'm not letting anyone down. I'm meeting expectations. All these thoughts that my client had and I assume you want to have about your to do list and the things that you're accomplishing. 

Feelings of accomplishment are available to you at all times.

And then those feelings of feeling accomplished and feeling responsible and feeling successful, those thoughts and feelings are available to you all of the time. 

You can think those thoughts when your to do list is a mile long. And you could think those thoughts when you just have a few things on it. 

Your thoughts and ultimately, those good feelings, those good emotions are available to you all of the time. 

And this is why I don't want to talk to you right now about getting more done and checking more things off your list and being more productive and efficient with your time. 

I coach my clients on efficiency, for sure. We talk about what it means to up level productivity so that you accomplish more and less time. But we don't talk about it first in coaching. I don't start here with my clients. 

What you think about yourself is most important.

Instead, I start with what they're thinking about themselves and their to do lists. Because the reality is, your to do list is never ending. You are always going to have things to do. 

People are always going to need something from you every new day, every new week, every new season brings about more tasks, more responsibilities, more decisions that need to be made. 

This is life. You're a high achiever. You commit to a lot of things and you like it that way. You're successful at what you do. 

And the reality is, the more high achieving you are and the higher you are in your job, likely the longer your to do list is, the longer your responsibility list. 

And if I coached you first on being more productive and learning productivity hacks, I would be doing you a disservice because it would reinforce in your brain that the problem is how many things you have to do on your list. 

The problem is not the length of your to do list, but what you're thinking about your to do list.

Which means the solution is learning how to do more in less time. Instead of recognizing that the problem is not the length of your to do list and how many things you have to do. The problem is what you're thinking about how many things you have to do. 

I coach for a marketing company. They've hired me for the last several years to come in and coach their leaders. At this point, I've probably coached close to 20 people in that company over the last three or four years. 

And here's one thing that every single leader in this company has said to me. Every single one of them, they talk about how overwhelmed they are, how there's too much to do, and not enough time. 

Can you relate to that? 

And sometimes with some of them I have this conversation, not always, but sometimes I have a conversation about why they actually want it that way, why they want their to do list to be extra long, and why they want so many responsibilities. 

Because for most of them, that's not what their brain is believing. And let me tell you, it's the part of their brain that's telling them they're failing, that they're inadequate, that they're letting people down. 

Those are their dominant thoughts when it comes to their very long to do list and long list of responsibilities. 

And of course, those thoughts feel terrible. 

And what they really want is not to shorten their to do list, but to change the way they're thinking and feeling, because their thoughts feel awful. 

Because their thoughts feel like they're getting beaten up every day. They look at their long to do list and their brain says, you're failing. You should be doing more. You should be doing better. Those thoughts feel awful. 

So I ask them, why might they actually want a long to do list? 

After usually a few short moments stumbling for words, I will hear something like this: it's job security. Having so many things to do likely means I will always have a job here. 

And I say, great. Okay, what else? Why else do you want your to do list to be long? 

And then they might say something like, well, because otherwise I'd be bored. I mean, there's always something to do. I always have something to do. 

Yep. All right, what else? 

Well, because it actually means the company is successful. We have lots of clients and lots of people want to work with us, which means the company is growing, which means I get to grow with the company. 

Yep. Bingo. And then we keep going. 

Ask yourself, why you want a long to do-list?

And I want to suggest to you if you've been thinking that you really wish your to do list was shorter and you've been feeling super overwhelmed by the length of your to do list and all the things that you have to do - I want to suggest that you stop right now and come up with your own reasons for why you want a long to do list, why that's actually a good thing for you, why you actually don't want anything to change when it comes to the length of your to do list. 

Stop right now and answer that question for yourself. 

Maybe take five minutes and really deeply think and come up with some good answers. 

And one of the reasons why I ask this question and I dive into this with my clients is so they can see that their to do list, or more specifically, the length of their to do list is not a problem. 

You could come up with lots of reasons why you want your to do list to be short and you can come up with lots of reasons why you want your to do list to be long. 

The length of your to do list is actually completely neutral. 

You just get to decide what you're going to think about it and about you. It all comes down to your thoughts my friends, always. 

I remember working with a client a couple of years ago and I wanted her to imagine that her to do list length never changed. 

So every time she checked something off of the list, I wanted her to imagine that one more thing magically appeared in its place. Like, literally, the length never changed. 

And I remember asking her if that was true, if it was true that the length never changed and it magically just kept being the same length all of the time, what would you do differently? 

I remember asking her this question and I at this point, don't recall her response. 

But for me, if that was true, if my to do list never changed, the length literally never changed. I see myself not even caring about the length of the to do list. 

I look at the list and I don't think, oh my gosh, how can I accomplish all these today? I think, what's the most important thing to get done today? What should be at the top of my list? What would make me feel really satisfied to get done today? What are the things on the list that are going to help me achieve my goals today? 

Focus on the priority. Focus on the value of your time, the goals that you have. 

It's like a whole different flavor of questions. Isn't it? When I'm not really worried about the length of my to do list, I'm focused on the priority. I'm focused on the value of my time, the goals that I have. 

There's no desperation to get more done. There's no feeling of being behind because there's no expectation of how much I should get done. 

And I'm not expecting that I should be superwoman and achieve everything on my list today. What I get done is what I get done, and I feel good about it. 

Now, I want to walk you through a little visualization for a moment. 

If you're able, close your eyes. If not, just listen in. I want you to imagine coming home from work today or just stepping out of your office. 

If you work in a home office and entering into the time with your family. And I want you to imagine yourself entering into that time feeling really great about what you did today. 

You focused on your priorities. You strategically decided to do things that mattered today, and you felt like you did them well. 

You feel accomplished. 

You feel successful. 

You feel satisfied. 

Can you see that? Can you visualize that? 

Because when you're feeling that way, when you're coming out of work and into your family life with that kind of energy, fueled with that kind of positivity, your patience with your kids is going to be exponentially higher. 

You're going to say yes to their invitation to play more. You're going to deprioritize cleaning the house, because that just isn't what you're going to do today. 

And instead, you're just going to connect with your spouse. It's going to fuel the time that you have with your family. 

Can you see that? Can you feel it? Those feelings, those thoughts? 

You can think that whether you got nothing done today that you hope to get done, or whether you checked ten things off of your list, no matter how many things you did, you can think:

  • I got enough done today. 

  • I'm on top of it. 

  • I deserve to be here. 

  • I know what I'm doing. 

  • I'm really good at prioritizing.

You can think those thoughts right now, today. 

Enoughness is not universal.

We as women are constantly chasing this mysterious idea of enoughness as if it's universal. And enoughness is not universal. 

You just get to decide how much is enough for you every day. 

You get to decide if what you did today was enough or not. It's a completely subjective concept. 

And when you stop defining enoughness by how many things you checked off your list, by some magical number that always seems to be changing every single day and is super influenced by your boss and your partner and your team and a season of life. 

True freedom.

When you stop defining enoughness by the number of things that you accomplish in a day and instead you define it by your prioritization, by your level of presence, by your intentionality, by your hard work. That is when you will experience true freedom, true balance and have the ability to feel successful and accomplished no matter how many things you get done today. 

You might be wondering, well, how do I do this? How do I work on this? You might be thinking, my thoughts don't feel like a choice. These are just the thoughts that I have at the end of the workday every day. 

My to do list is just too long. I don't know how to think anything else. 

You can't always help your first thought, but you can always choose your second.

Now remember one of the concepts that I teach in this podcast and I work on with my clients, I teach that you can't always help your first thought, but you can always choose your second.

Your brain might default to thinking you didn't get enough done today, that I'm m behind, that I'm letting people down. This might be your default thought pattern. 

And in coaching, one of the things I do is I help rewire your brain so that those are no longer your default thought patterns. 

And there's a lot of tools that I teach that I walk you through to help you begin to pattern in new thoughts into your brain. 

But for today, I want to offer to you a very simple practice that helps redirect your thoughts away from the default that's going to help your brain get out of, “I need to get more done. It's not enough.” And into a feeling of success, satisfaction, pride. 

So here's what I want you to do. 

“How do I know I got enough done today?”

At the end of your day, essentially during that transition from work to home, I want you to answer this question how do I know I got enough done today? 

I want you to set a timer for five minutes and I want you to answer this question in as many ways as possible. 

And if you were to commit to this practice every day, what you're going to find, at least in the beginning, is that every day your answers might be the same, but eventually your brain is going to start offering to you some new reasons. 

Reinforce to your brain what enough really means to you,

And even if your answers always remain the same, by doing this practice, you're reinforcing to your brain what enough really means to you, which is going to help rewire your brain in the end. 

I actually teach an entire work to home transition where this is a piece of it. 

This building up thoughts around how you accomplished enough today. That's a piece of an entire work to home transition that I teach. And it's something that I've taught here on the podcast. 

So I will link to that also in the show notes today. But it's also something that I speak on. 

It's a tool that I teach to working mom groups, to community groups, to parent groups, or even to whole companies at times. 

The work-to-home transition.

I don't just teach to working moms. I will teach to everyone, all types of people and groups. And this is actually one of the most popular talks that I give because that time between work and home is so crucial. 

You are either setting yourself up to feel not enough and rundown and exhausted, or you're setting yourself up to feel present and connected and energized. And that's the goal of this transition. 

If you actually would like to talk to me about speaking at your company or in your community group, I would love to connect with you on that. 

You can go to my website and learn more about the topics that I speak on. You can go to www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/speaker to learn more and to connect with me on that. 

But here's how I want to close working moms. 

The length of your to do list does not determine your success or your enoughness or your accomplishments or your adequacy. 

You get to be in charge of that. You get to choose the way you feel every single day. 

If you want some help, if you want to guide through this process, as always, please reach out and book a free breakthrough call with me. 

But until then working moms, believe that you are enough. 

Focus your brain not on what you haven't gotten done, but instead on what you have and how that's amazing and enough today. 

All right, let's get to it. 

Rebecca Olson