Leaning into your career while balancing life (with Ali Kauffman and Katie Schetzsle)

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In this week's episode of the podcast, I’m thrilled to share an insightful conversation with not 1, but 2 amazing clients, Katie and Ali, who navigated the highs and lows of balancing thriving careers with motherhood.

They talk candidly about breaking free from the guilt of “never doing enough,” embracing their emotions to reclaim focus, and how coaching reshaped their confidence in ways they didn’t expect. 

Whether you're striving to lean into your career, redefine success, or find harmony in the chaos of life as an ambitious working mom, this chat is packed with relatable stories and practical tools. You don’t want to miss this empowering episode - let’s get to it! 

Topics in this episode:

  • Overcoming Self-Doubt 

  • Strategies to build unshakable confidence. 

  • Embracing Emotions 

  • Balancing Career & Family 

  • Practical Tools for Mindset Shifts 

  • The Power of Identity: Discovering who you are beyond work 

 Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

Hey, working moms. I have not one, but two clients joining me on the podcast today, talking about all things related to leaning into your career while balancing life. They talk about the importance of having an identity outside of work and believing in who you are and what you offer. And the importance of having tools and practices to intentionally and proactively have a positive mindset. 

We as women are often told to hide our emotions and both Katie and Allie speak to how important it was for them to learn how to give space for what they're feeling so that they can ultimately let it go and be more productive at work and present at home. This was such a fun conversation with two amazing women. You are going to feel right at home as you listen to us discuss their coaching journey. Are you ready? Let's get to it. 

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom. I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

Rebecca: All right. Hello, working moms. I am so excited for today's episode. For the first time ever, I'm actually having multiple guests at the same time. This is so exciting. I have Ali and Katie with me on the podcast. They are clients that just recently ended six months of coaching with me. they work at the same company. This was actually, an employer sponsored coaching experience. 

So, their employer brought me in and we'll talk a little bit about what they do in a moment. But they brought me in to coach these two amazing women, a couple of other women, leaders in their company. And I just, I asked them to come on the episode because I thought it would be a fun, it would be fun to have a three way conversation around what their coaching experience was like and some of their particular struggles with being a working mom. And so I'm just delighted to have have them here. So thank you. Thank you, Ali. Thank you, Katie for being here.

Katie: Thanks for having us.

Rebecca: Yeah, of course. So just to get us a little bit started, tell us each about yourselves, just how many kids you have, a little bit about what you do. and then'll we'll get started. So why don't we start with, why don't we start with you, Katie?

Meet Katie

Katie: Sure. Hi, I'm Katie. I have two kids. My daughter is 9 and my son is almost 13. So near during those teenage years. And I am an account manager at an advertising agency in Des Moines, Iowa. And I've, worked at this agency my entire career, so interned with them when I was going to school and accepted a full time position after I graduated. So really grew up, or have grown up at the same agency my entire career.

Rebecca: I love it. So good. All right. How about you Alli?

Meet Ali

Ali: Well, my story is actually quite similar to Katie. I, like you said, work at the same agency. And I actually started as an intern as well. So right after I graduated from college, I became an intern there. And then I actually reported to Katie and got hired on full time that same summer and have been there ever since. So 17 years. I have a similar, similar role account service for some of our grocery and health clients. And I, yeah, I guess I also have, I have four kids. So that's where things are a little different than Katie. I have 14, 12, 10 and 6. So they keep me extremely busy as well.

Rebecca: Oh my gosh. Do you have to stop and think about that sometimes? Like, what are their ages again? Did any of them like turn…

Ali: Yeah, a little bit.

Rebecca: Yeah. Like which one is which and whose birthdays are when? Yeah, for sure. I love it. So good. So I'm so excited to have you here. 

I actually love that your stories have some similarities to them, you know, in the ways that you've been in. I’ve actually just been recently thinking about how like work shifts decade to decade for us in our careers, just generally speaking, like, we tend to go through about four to five decades of work right somewhere in the middle of there. And like our first decade is a little bit different than our second decade and third decade and so forth and kind of what evolves. 

But most of us start having kids somewhere between the end of our first decade of work and into our second decade of work. And so both of you having been there for 17 years, both of you said 17 years, right?

Katie: I think you're 18. 

Ali: I’m nearing 20.

What’s it like being a working mom?

Rebecca: Oh, you're nearing 20. Oh my gosh. I know, but so having you, you both have had kids at this company, you both have experienced, you know, your career, the growth in your career at this company. and so it's so fun that you both have that experience, which is why I think this is going to be such a powerful conversation as we talk about what, what it's like to be a working mom. Both of you also work with clients. And I think there's something to be said about being in like a billable hour type of role that has a bit of a different demand and kind of a different mindset to it when we start talking about how to kind of balance life with a billable hour type of job. And there's some unique challenges to that as well and bet that that will come up as we talk about it as well. 

So let me just get started with talking about what, when the opportunity for coaching was presented to you and I, want to hear a little bit about what some of your thoughts were and in terms of why you kind of decided to engage with coaching and particularly a coach like me and what you were sort of hoping to get out of the experience.

Katie: So, you know, just being at the agency for nearly two decades, I was looking for a change, like looking for a new move, within the agency just to grow professionally. So when this coaching opportunity was presented to me, it was something that I figured would help guide me through that process and that growth and gaining the confidence to put myself out there and apply for a position that would be step up from what I was doing. 

Internal struggles of a working mom.

But all the while, you know, considering how that would balance out with you, the family that, you know, family time that I want to have and but also growing professionally. So as any mom knows, you know, you have those internal struggles of do I want to advance in my career knowing that I'm going to have to invest more time, with work, most likely, to make that jump and just how that will jive with my family dynamic. So yeah.

Rebecca: I love that. How about for you, Alli?

Ali: Yeah, when this opportunity came up, it was a no-brainer. I was like, yes, this is awesome. Yes, I would love to do this. But I think I didn't quite know what to expect either. It was, yeah, sounds good, but then it was like, what does this even mean? What's even possible?

I started listening to some of your podcasts ahead of even meeting with you, and I began to realize this could be even broader than we think it is. I would say I was in a similar position as Katie. I’ve had different points in my career where I leaned out or leaned in, and I felt like I was ready to lean back in.

The kids were a little bit older, and I could focus more on my career. But how do you do that when there are still so many demands at the ages the kids are at—when they need you in different ways than when they were little? How do you balance that and be available to them? That was definitely a big goal of mine going into this.

Discovering Emotional Management

I think, even more broadly, some of the emotional management was really key—something I didn’t necessarily realize I needed but found extremely helpful throughout the process.

It’s about being more in touch with my emotions and feelings and how they relate to the work I do, which is so personal. Working with clients, being present—it’s deeply tied to emotions. Learning to keep things more steady emotionally, rather than experiencing constant ups and downs, was incredibly positive for me.

This opportunity gave me tools to better balance my career, my family, and my emotional well-being in a way I hadn’t thought was possible.

Rebecca: Yeah, I love that. Let's chat about that for a moment here, because actually, I think that roller coaster is so common for all of us, right?

We all experience those ups and downs. It can stem from guilt—whether it’s guilt about working or guilt about not being available to your clients in the way you want. Then there’s the constant dynamic of prioritization: having to decide what to prioritize and, inevitably, what not to prioritize.

When you prioritize one thing, something else doesn’t get prioritized, and feelings come with that. There’s frustration, inadequacy, failure—all the feelings. It’s like a constant balancing act, and those emotions can really take a toll.

Understanding the Emotional Roller Coaster

I like to think about it as a roller coaster—it is a little bit of a ride, for sure. So I’m curious: as we started to really talk about that roller coaster, what did you begin to learn about your emotions?

How were they playing a part in the imbalance you were feeling or contributing to the experiences you were having? I’d love to hear what shifted for you as we explored this together.

Ali: So, yeah, and a couple of things come to mind with that. But I think what I've always felt—or I don’t want to say, like, been taught previously—but it was just, like, if you’re focused at home, you’re letting someone down at work, and if you’re focused at work, you’re letting someone down at home.

And you kind of alluded to that too, but I think trying to separate myself from that a little bit has been important. Along those lines, the I am enough and I’m doing enough—that was something we had talked about really early on. And I still say that to myself nearly every day.

Rebecca: I love that.

Ali: It helps just validate that, when you do feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm never going to get to the end of this, whatever. I am enough and I am doing enough. And I think that that is helpful both at home and at work and because those two things just, just go so closely together.

Rebecca: Yeah.

Ali: But another thought on that too, that you and I had spent a lot of time on, was this idea that feelings are just ideas that our brain is giving us. They’re helpful in certain ways, but just separating myself from them a little bit and saying, Okay, these are some thoughts. That’s my brain’s job—to offer these feelings to me.

They might be trying to protect me from something or show me something, but I don’t have to be ruled by those feelings or emotions. Just being able to separate from them, acknowledge those feelings when they come up, but also look at them a little more objectively—that was an idea I had never had before.

Rebecca: I enjoyed when you started to learn about separating yourself from that. What was the positive impact of being able to separate your emotions and tell yourself something different and not label everything as bad and all that kind.

Ali: Right. Yeah, I think it helped level out that roller coaster a little bit—that I wasn’t just so up and down and ruled by every email or thing that came and went. It was more like, Okay, this is a feeling. What is this feeling all about? I could move past it more quickly, but also not by pushing it down.

It’s about giving it its moment to feel it and acknowledge it. I was even just talking about it the other day, and we haven’t been in coaching for a few months now, so it’s something that has really stuck with me.

Rebecca: Yeah, I love that. And I know for you, Katie, similarly, I’m doing enough was a big one for you. So I’m curious, what’s going through your head as you hear Ali talk about some of this?

Katie: Yeah, similar to Ali, before coaching, I would have those negative self-talk moments, and I would just try to tamp them down, push them away. I’d think, Don’t think that way. Instead of embracing it.

Being open to feeling your feelings.

Today, I’m more open to feeling those emotions and letting them have some time and space, rather than trying to push them away. It’s about really learning: Why am I having these feelings of self-doubt? Or, Why do I feel incapable of doing something that I’m probably fully capable of doing?

By letting those feelings sit with me instead of ignoring them, I’ve embraced a new way of thinking. It’s been a big change, and it’s helped a lot.

Breaking the Stigma Around Emotions at Work

Rebecca: Which I think there’s a stigma for women and emotions—that somehow our emotions are bad to bring into the workplace. Whether we’ve ever been explicitly told that or not, there’s this idea that women are more emotional and that it’s a problem, particularly when those emotions are displayed at work.

The idea that all emotions are okay and that actually giving them space is more effective than pushing them away or down—that alone feels mind-blowing for a lot of people. It’s so opposite of what we’re told as women and what we think makes us successful.

So I’m curious, how do you relate some of this to success? Like being able to name those feelings and give them some space—how have you found it helpful in terms of your success, however we want to label success at this moment in life?

Using Affirmations to Build Confidence

Katie: Yeah. So just giving more space for those emotions, more time. I then find myself giving more affirmations internally. Instead of thinking, I can’t do something, I think of the reasons why I can do something and how I’ve proven to myself that I am capable.

I think success comes from giving yourself those affirmations and building the confidence to accomplish what you’re trying to do. It’s a balance—hearing those emotions but then pivoting to affirmations to give yourself the confidence that you can do it.

Ali: Yeah, that’s what I was gonna say too—that confidence that comes with it. Confidence, I think, looks a lot of different ways, but that was the main word that came to my mind too. Yeah.

Rebecca: And it's so fascinating that feeling emotions can actually produce confidence. Feeling emotions of failure, self-doubt, inadequacy, or not enoughness—those are big feelings. They happen to all of us at various times throughout the day for different reasons.

What we’re saying here is that when we actually give space to those emotions and don’t stuff them inside, when we process our way through them, we create room for other emotions to come in. That gives us the ability to pivot into more positive emotions, like confidence.

When you realize that those feelings and thoughts aren’t necessarily true—they’re not factual, they’re just feelings and emotions your body is experiencing—it opens up space. You don’t have to label them much; instead, you can ask, What else would I rather feel or think about myself in this moment?

It creates a snowball effect. You get to decide to think and feel purpose if you want to—you can cultivate that.

I know for both of you, hearing what we’ll call negative self-talk—just for the sake of this conversation—was a big part of this journey. I always hesitate to label something as negative or positive; I tend to see all feelings as neutral. But negative self-talk is that internal doubt that brings us down, holds us back, or suppresses us in some way.

Both of you mentioned this was part of your experience. I’m curious—did you both know you had a talk track of negative self-talk before we started working together? Or was it through our conversations that you realized how hard you were on yourself and what that experience was really like?

Ali: I personally don’t think I realized it until we started working through it. And then it was like, Oh, yeah, okay, there is something here. There’s definitely this element of negative self-talk.

I think what also helped me work through some of that was the identity work we did. That really tied in for me—realizing that I am more than just these thoughts in my head, and I am more than just these negative things.

It all kind of clicked together as a big puzzle for me. But no, I wouldn’t say I realized I had such negative self-talk before. Going through the affirmations with you, going back to the idea of I am enough and I’m doing enough, and all those other positive affirmations we worked through, really tied back to who I am and my identity.

All of that tied together helped me see that what I was thinking wasn’t helpful. It helped me change those thoughts and shift the ongoing narrative in my head—one I didn’t even realize was there. Changing that has made such a difference.

Balancing Career and Family

Rebecca: Did you think when it comes to like, balancing life and for kids and your career, and you said that you really wanted to lean in and that was a piece of our, time together as well. Did you have an idea of what was kind of holding you back or kind of keeping you out of balance before? I mean, we, now we've understand that a lot of it was internal. Right. It was the internal dialogue that was going on that was actually holding you back. But did you think it was other things?

Ali: I don't know. I guess I don't know for sure how to answer that one. But, yeah, I guess I would have thought that it was probably more like external things or very, tangible things. Like I don't have enough time to do this or, or just, not being able to balance all the things or having it just be more things that were outside of my control.

Rebecca: My clients always messaging me late at night. I mean, I, That's, you know.

Ali: Yeah. Not having all things that were outside of my control, whereas this was able to shift it to. This is within my control and this is how I'm going to approach these things. You know, it's kind of a different. A different lens now. So, yeah, I think that it was able to shift that, which goes back to some of that confidence to be able to make those decisions in that way.

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. You're shaking your head. Katie, what are some of your thoughts as you're hearing Howie talk?

Shifting the Focus to What You Can Control

Katie: Yeah, and I think that, you know, just relating it back to work, a lot of those—I’ll just say intrusive thoughts—like the clients are overwhelming me, the work is overwhelming, or how am I going to make this deadline? Those thoughts can take over.

But the affirmations you give yourself, like this to-do list is never going to be done; it’s always going to be there, really help. One thing, Rebecca, that you said that’s really stuck with me is: Instead of looking at what you didn’t get done today, look at what you did accomplish.

That has really shifted my mindset. Instead of thinking, Oh, this is going to take me an hour to get done, it’s like, Nope, I have a half-hour timeframe right now. I’m just going to get it done to the best of my ability within the time I have.

It’s really about thinking differently about my day and the work I’m doing. I don’t get as frazzled or feel out of control because, as Ali pointed out, I can’t control those external factors. But I do have control over my mindset and the way I’m thinking about what I’m doing.

Shifting Control from External to Internal

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. This is all like happening to me. That’s, I think, a really common belief that we all have, right? Like, This is my time. I don’t have control over my time. There’s too much to do. There’s not enough time. It’s too busy. I can’t get it all done.

It creates this feeling that life on the outside is sort of happening to you, and you need life on the outside to be a certain way in order to feel good or to get everything done. But recognizing that this is kind of the life of a working mom—juggling multiple schedules, balancing competing priorities, and tackling an always-long to-do list—is key.

If we stop focusing on needing those external factors to change, we can manage our time differently, be more productive, and feel better about our work. So the question becomes: What can we actually control?

We can control how we think about things and how we respond to them. A lot of that comes from just the way we choose to think about it.

I like to give clients a visual for the to-do list: Imagine your to-do list is always one page long. You cross five things off today, and five more magically appear tomorrow. It literally never gets shorter. Now, how are you going to manage it? How are you going to think about it differently so that you actually feel productive and satisfied at the end of the day?

Learning to Feel Accomplished Every Day

Katie, you mentioned that getting to the end of the day and being able to say, Yeah, I actually accomplished a lot. I don’t have to keep working. I can be done, was a huge shift for you. I love that.

We’ve all had experiences where that feeling of accomplishment came easily—not through mindset but because of circumstances. For example, finishing a big project, delivering a presentation, or completing a meeting you’ve been working toward. At the end of those days, we think, Whew, it’s done. I’m good.

In those moments, we allow ourselves to shut down and stop working because we feel satisfied and successful. We know it’s enough. What we’re learning now is how to cultivate that feeling on demand.

Every day, you get to decide that the work you did was impactful and meaningful—that it was enough. You can feel productive, satisfied, and proud of your efforts without needing to keep working. It’s about allowing yourself to feel that way through the power of how you think about it.

Earlier, Ali, you mentioned our identity work. I talk about that as your compass. With all my clients, I guide them through understanding their values, identity, and purpose—what I call their compass.

The goal is to help your conscious mind put words and language to who you are today, in this season of life as a working mom. Then we use that compass not just for affirmations and self-talk, but also as a guide for decisions and other important areas of life. Ali, you mentioned this earlier, so I’m curious—what was really impactful about that work for you?

Ali: Yeah, it was something that I hadn’t ever done before, but I felt like, Okay, I probably know the answers to this. But putting the actual words to it and working through the process with you was really helpful to understand who I am, especially outside of my job.

That was a big challenge for me because I’ve been at the same place for so long, working with the same people, the same clients, the same coworkers—it all just got really muddy and intertwined. Being able to step back and say, I am more than the work that I do—which I think I inherently knew—was a huge realization.

It’s not necessarily something new, but being able to articulate, I am more than this work, and step outside of it has helped me personally understand how important that is. It hasn’t changed who I am at work, but I think it’s actually made me a better employee.

Creating better work-life balance.

With our employer sponsoring this, I’ve come to see that understanding my value outside of work has reinforced how important the work I do is. But it’s also allowed me to separate myself and create a better work-life balance. When everything feels like it revolves around work, it’s harder to have that balance.

Rebecca: Yeah, that’s such a powerful statement. The idea that knowing you are a human with value, and that you are somebody outside of work, actually makes you a better employee—that’s a pretty weighted statement.

And to say that to your boss, ultimately, is huge. Often, we think we need them to believe we’re all in on our job, that it’s the most important thing in our life. We think that’s what makes us successful or will make us successful in their eyes.

But what you’re saying is kind of the opposite—that understanding your value outside of work actually strengthens your role at work.

So, Katie, what are your thoughts on that?

Reflecting on Values Beyond Work

Katie: Yeah, no, I completely agree. And I found the process to be challenging. You know, having to do that self-reflection, like Ali, it was something that I had never spent a lot of time doing. So it was a really good exercise for me just to, you know, think about What do I value beyond work, and how can I bring those values into the work that I’m doing?

You know, managing people at the agency, I think that’s most reflected in how I help grow other team members and how I show up to work every day. I want to make sure that I’m staying true to myself.

And it was just a really good exercise to hold myself accountable and ask, Is this something that aligns with my overall values now that I have a better idea of what those are?

The Daily Impact of Rest and Balance

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. The image that just went through my mind is like when you go on vacation. Assuming you’re truly unplugged during that time, you come back to work with this new energy, right? You’re ready to go, you feel refreshed, and you can jump in. Your mind can be more strategic, and you can prioritize better.

It’s because your mind has had a chance to rest. And it’s kind of the same idea, except applied on a daily basis. When you have a life outside of work and you see yourself as more than just a worker, you allow yourself to fully engage in other parts of your life. Then, when you come back to work, you show up differently.

Work becomes more exciting, invigorating. You have better ideas, and your mind is able to think more clearly. Constantly being in a state of only thinking about work is very fatiguing for our brains. We need breaks, rest, and time away from work to reengage at a higher level.

What both of you are saying is that you’ve experienced this in some degree, and I love that.

So, to recap a little bit: We’ve talked about the internal dialogue and how it affects us. We’ve touched on identity and values and how those have played out. And we’ve talked a bit about confidence, but I’d love to circle back to that.

I’m curious—how would you say your confidence has shifted over the course of the coaching experience?

Visualization as a Confidence-Building Tool

Katie: So one thing that I found really valuable, was doing some visualization exercises. And this was going into a big presentation, starting with the end in mind. So visualizing how, once that presentation was over, how it was received, what was the conversation?

So thinking about that before going into the presentations just really put me in a better frame of mind to give me the confidence to go in with the attitude that I know this content better than anyone else in the room. I'm the expert at what I'm presenting and just going in with this positive outlook that it's going to go great. And this is why.

It just really helped me give me the confidence to go into those situations. I was more assured of myself and just not as nervous or caught up in over-rehearsing. That was the other thing that I've learned through coaching is that I could over-rehearse too much most of the time. So, I'm not doing that.

And I felt like my presentation skills improved because of that too. Because I wasn't trying to memorize things. I was just, you know, going over the content instead of rehearsing a script.

Shifting the Confidence Equation

Rebecca: You actually have a great story related to that. I feel like talking about this big presentation. I'm wondering if you might share it a little bit, because I think you're right.

We kind of think of confidence as being something external a little bit. Like, it shows in skill set, it shows in knowledge. Right. And so it shows in preparation. You're going to feel more confident if you are 110% prepared. Right. There's kind of this equation on some level that we think to that, and I kind of challenged you on that.

And I’m wondering if you might share a little bit about that moment, that experience.

Katie: Yeah. So there were several of them. So I'm not sure if'm thinking of the same one as you, Rebecca.

Rebecca: All right, pick one.

Katie: Yeah, so there was a presentation that I was giving on some concepts that I hadn't presented on a lot in the past. And I, you know, told myself that after 3pm the day before the presentation, I was done practicing and I hadsome meditation time before the presentation just to think about.

Letting Go of Over-Preparation

Rebecca: Hold on, let's just be clear. 

Katie: Like, I sort of told you that you weren't going to prepare anymore because it came through our conversation where I was like, Hold on, are you…what else are you going to do tonight? And you're like, Well, I'm going to log back on, and I’m going to keep…I’m going to go over those notes again, and I’m going to make sure I read through this one more time, and then I'll probably do it one more time before, you know, the presentation.

Like, you were telling me how you were going to prepare, and I remember, I was like, Hold on, Katie. I’m going to challenge you on that one—that you probably have done enough of that.

And I remember you came back, and you were like, Well, I've always been told that being prepared is… I can’t even remember how it was framed, but it was like, You’re not prepared unless you’re 110% prepared. And I’m like, Oh really? Is that true? How is that going to play out if that's really true? So I challenged you to stop, and you did.

And yeah, I held to that, and the presentation went great. I was just blown away that I don’t need to over-prepare. I just need to go into it thinking about how the end will be and how positive that experience will have gone. And that just has helped me a lot.

Rebecca: So. Good. I love it. Yeah, the visualization was something that came up, I think, particularly for you. I don't remember Ali if we did much of that, but I know for you Katie…

Visualization for Managing Emotions

Ali: We had a couple of visualization times, which I think a lot of mine were really around feelings though, because we spent a lot of time on that. But some feelings, like overwhelm, were one. I remember that that came up, and so we did a whole exercise on visualizing how that was kind of playing out in my body and how to kind of move past that. 

And so that was where ours focused on. And it is helpful, I would say. I’ve actually also implemented more meditation time because of that—just realizing how helpful it is for our bodies and all of the stress that we are under.

The Power of Visualization

Rebecca: Yeah, definitely. The mind actually can’t—and there’s a lot of research that shows this—differentiate all that much between something that we visualize in our mind and something that we actually do, like an actual experience.

In your case, Katie, we’re talking about preparing for presentations and literally visualizing getting in front of the screen or being in front of the client. You go through the whole thing, getting to the end, and it goes really well. There are smiles on everybody’s faces, and you feel proud.

By seeing that ahead of time, your body and brain latch onto it and can almost recreate that if you allow yourself to go there and see all of that ahead of time. Your body starts to feel those feelings ahead of time. When we feel all those feelings, we’re able to go in with that energy of I’m already successful. I’ve already visualized myself being successful. It creates a momentum that really builds on itself, which is one of the reasons why it’s super effective.

Giving Space to Let Emotions Go

And then I think for you, Ali, we’re talking about some of those visualizations of emotions in your body. There’s an ability to see it there, and sometimes even watch it leave.

I know for me, sometimes I’ll experience that overwhelm or anxiety. I’ll give it a little space and then watch it go, almost taking it out of my body. That experience can feel like magic—how it just leaves you through your mind simply because you see it in your mind.

It’s so powerful. And again, it’s another way to give some space. We’re not fighting emotions; we’re emotional beings. By giving space for these things—either to feel them on purpose or to let them go—we tap into an incredible ability to manage our inner experience.

Katie: And I will say that I have never meditated before this practice was introduced by you, Rebecca. So I'm the type that's just go, go, go. No naps, just like I don't have time for that.

Rebecca: Don’t eat lunch, your computer has all the crumbs on it.

Katie: Yes, exactly. So it was challenging for me at first. It wasn't something that just came second nature. But now that I've you been able to, you know, really remove myself from all of the day to day, all of the craziness and just take five minutes. It's not even taking a lot of time. It’s yeah, it's been invaluable.

Rebecca: Yeah. Can you describe some of the impact of that for you just taking five minutes, what does that really do?

Katie: Yeah, it's just, you know, hitting a reset button and it's applicable outside of work too. You know, just with my kids and having a crazy morning and you know, it's like, okay, before I get started with work, I just need to take a beat and just, you know, reset. So it  just helps me refocus. Brings down that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start.

The Resets We Default To

Rebecca: Yeah, but intentionally. Right. Because I think a lot of times—this is probably true for you before and certainly still true for me even now—it’s like my instinct is, Okay, that was a really hard morning. I’m gonna go make myself a cup of tea, and I’m going to probably scroll social media while I do that.

And that’s going to be my reset, quote unquote, right? Your body does take a reset in these moments when you have big feelings. But it oftentimes looks like, I’m just going to mindlessly check my email, mindlessly scroll social media, or grab a snack.

Your body is telling you, I need something, I’m feeling something, I need a little space. So, you do these things, but they’re not as effective. Oftentimes, you still get back to your computer and realize you didn’t actually deal with those emotions. You sort of glossed over them, tamped them down, or stuffed them away—however we want to describe it.

You still have those emotions, and your work isn’t all that effective for a while. It might take 30 minutes, an hour, or longer to really get into the groove of your day.

The Power of Intentional Pauses

Versus, No, I’m going to take a pause. It’s going to be super intentional. I’m going to give some space for this. I’m going to close my eyes, breathe, and visualize the emotions or whatever it is—maybe even visualize the presentation.

But I’m going to give it some intentional space so that when I open my eyes and open my laptop, my work is effective from almost the moment I start.

It’s a big difference compared to that long, lingering time it might otherwise take for you to get into it. Does that resonate?

Intentionality at Work and Home

Ali: Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that word intentionality is what was important for me. And I think, like you had kind of said to Katie, it’s intentional at work and it’s intentional at home.

Being able to feel like I had a little bit more of that skill set to apply to both of those locations really helps. And it just helps reevaluate that level of success too, which is what you kind of alluded to.

What does a successful night look like with my kids? Being able to think about that intentionally. And what does success look like at work today? Being intentional about that. It took a little bit of that just doing the same thing every day out of it and made it more tangible. That has really resonated with me.

Breaking Out of the Rinse-and-Repeat Cycle

Rebecca: Yeah. Getting out of the rinse-and-repeat experience that I think we can really get into as working moms. Right? We have to have such a highly structured home life.

I can only imagine with four kids that it has to be that way, right? Because there are so many activities, schedules, and people eating food—and all liking different food! There are just so many things going on.

For both Katie and I, even with two kids, it still has to be highly structured. We know that our kids thrive in that, and our families thrive in that. Work has to be structured too because there’s only so much time, and you have to be done at a certain time.

There’s really no wiggle room, and it can feel that way after a while. Like, Wow, I’m just getting up and doing the same thing every day, having the same feelings. And then you think, Where’s the joy in this?

Taking these little intentional pauses can bring so much intentionality and focus, and I think it brings a lot of life back into our daily routines. We still need structure—there’s no getting around that. But we want to feel differently about it all.

Tools That Add Joy and Focus

So now we’re starting to think a little bit about tools. We’ve talked about the compass and values, identity, and purpose. We’ve talked a bit about meditation or visualization.

Just to highlight that one more time—I’m not trained in meditation. You could go through lots of training on it and become someone who really teaches it. I’ve never studied meditation deeply.

I came at it because a coach introduced me to something very simple, and I found it helpful. For me, it’s about short moments of focus. I don’t take long periods of time; I can’t focus my mind that long. Even yoga—it’s something where my mind is all over the place when I’m supposed to be focused.

So, as a coach, I use it in very simple, short moments of focus. That can be so effective—both for processing emotions and getting into intentional emotional spaces.

These are all tools that came out of coaching. I’m curious, though—what are some of the other tools that have stuck with both of you? Are there ones you’re still using today or that have become part of your daily life on some level?

Tools for Transition and Daily Focus

Ali: I mean, a couple of things that I still use and that resonate with me—and I would say I’m not as diligent about them as when we were in coaching—but they’re still definitely tools in my toolbox.

The daily work in the morning is one. Making sure I have time to focus myself with that daily work has been really helpful. And then, like Katie said, the end-of-the-day routine—celebrating what I accomplished, writing down a couple of things I need to do for the next day, and just having that successful transition to the other half of my life—has been really helpful.

Breaking Down the Daily Work

Rebecca: Yeah. So these bookended tools, like bookending the workday, I would assume, on some level. Right? I’ve talked about the daily work on this podcast a number of times.

But from your perspective, Ali, how would you describe it? What do you see as the purpose of the daily work? And why do we even do it daily?

Ali: Yeah, I mean, it really only takes, like, five minutes. I just keep an ongoing note on my computer. So I sit down, open it up, and it allows me to focus. I don’t look at the day before, but it lets me give myself some positive affirmations going into the day.

It’s about asking, What are the things I’m capable of today? What are the things standing in my way, and how am I going to deal with those as they come up? It helps set my mind right to say, I am capable of overcoming these hurdles today, and here’s why.

It’s really about giving myself those positive affirmations and setting a tone of capability and confidence for the day ahead.

Setting the Tone with Intention

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. So you’re setting the tone for the day, right? You’re putting intention into the day. And when you have proactive tools and exercises that you’re doing regularly, you aren’t going to live in a reactive way.

By putting intention into your day, you inevitably create a different experience in your life—one that’s more intentional and less about the reactive rinse-and-repeat cycle. So, yeah, for sure. How about for you, Katie?

The Power of the Pivot Moment

Katie: I’d say the pivot moment is something that I go to a lot. This just goes back to those intrusive thoughts or feelings of being overwhelmed. It’s about recognizing those feelings and then determining how I will pivot away from them after letting those emotions sit for a bit.

Having some go-to things, like affirmations, or stepping away from my desk to go on a walk, helps bring a reset into the day. It’s all about acknowledging those feelings, using them in a good way, and then refocusing my mind.

Challenging the “More Work” Myth

Rebecca: Yeah. Now for you, you mentioned earlier that you just recently got promoted, right? Congratulations again—that’s very exciting for you.

One of the things that maybe held you back before—whether you consciously knew it or not—was this general idea that when you move up the ladder or get promoted, it inevitably means you’ll have to work more hours and take on more responsibilities.

Of course, there are still only 24 hours in a day, so we often think we’ll have to pull time away from other things—usually our family—and we struggle with that.

I don’t necessarily subscribe to that idea, and obviously, we challenged it a lot in coaching. The notion that getting promoted means you’ll have to work more hours—it’s a choice on some level.

Maintaining Balance While Moving Up

I’m curious now, as you’re getting into this new role, with everything you’ve learned in coaching, what’s your perspective on what it will take to be really successful at this next level?

How do you plan to stay balanced, keep your family a priority, and still thrive at work? I’d love to hear your perspective on that now.

Building Confidence in the Face of New Challenges

Katie: Yeah, so definitely implementing the tools that I learned through coaching. Going back to those visualization exercises and also just reminding myself that I’m giving my best self every day—and that’s good enough.

I think Ali said that earlier: I’m good enough. What I do is good enough. Right now, it’s one day at a time. I try not to think past where I am today because there are increased feelings of overwhelm with the added responsibility and the transition—getting out from underneath the work I’ve been doing while balancing the new responsibilities now on my plate.

But again, those affirmations: I’m here for a reason. I’m in this role for a reason. 

Continuing to build that confidence in myself has been key. I don’t have that confidence every single day, but I definitely have it more now than I did before, even before stepping into this role.

It’s about recognizing that I was promoted for the work I’ve done, and that’s good enough.

The Impact of Positive Self-Talk

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. So I hear again, kind of like when we zoom out: How do you move up? How do you take on more? How do you lean in while still keeping your family a priority and managing a balanced life?

A big piece is believing in what you bring to the table every day. It’s having that positive talk track in your head that says, I’m valuable. I deserve to be here. I’m good at this.

I love that you’re telling us this because it highlights something important: One of the biggest causes of imbalance is the negative talk track. It’s the internal voice that says, I’m not good enough. I need to prove myself. I’m not doing enough. People are going to be disappointed.

That negative self-talk creates more internal imbalance than we often realize. It affects not only how we feel but also how we use our time and how effective we are.

Learning to Process and Let Go

Rebecca: The power of believing in yourself and having tools to remind yourself of your value is huge. Both of you have learned that this talk track ebbs and flows.

It’s not about expecting to wake up every day with only positive thoughts. Inevitably, we’ll have thoughts that lean toward the negative—it’s just how our brains work. The key is learning how to process those thoughts, let them go, and then introduce the positive ones.

It’s not about eliminating self-doubt entirely; it’s about learning not to give it too much weight. It’s about weighing those thoughts differently and using tools that help you stay in a positive, successful mindset. This creates the mental structure to thrive at this level.

So good. How about for you, Ali? As you zoom out and think about it, what does it really take to be a working mom, to lean in, and to actually experience balance?

Embracing Imperfection and Confidence

Ali: Yeah. I mean, I think what you said is it’s not always going to be perfect, but having more of that confidence and knowing—going back to what I said initially—that I’m enough and I’m doing enough.

Believing that, having that internal confidence, and knowing that it’s true—for myself at work and with my family. Just believing in that. And understanding that sometimes it might be more like 70 or 80%, but that is also still good enough. Knowing and accepting that is key.

Redefining Confidence and Self-Doubt

Rebecca: Yeah, which is kind of like saying 70 or 80% of your thoughts align with the idea that I’m enough, while 20 or 30% don’t. And you have to redirect those thoughts and let them go.

I love thinking about it from that perspective because it’s true. You’re not going to have a 100% day where all your thoughts align in that direction, and that’s okay. It’s okay.

That’s why we have practices like the daily work or the work-to-home transition. Those intentional moments help build more enough thoughts and positive self-talk, which brings that percentage up.

Confidence isn’t the absence of self-doubt, which is what we sometimes think it is. It’s not about never questioning yourself. Confidence is about being able to have self-doubt, not give it much weight, and still move forward effectively and successfully.

That’s so powerful. I love it.

A Message to Working Moms

Well, if you were to say one thing to working moms out there who want to lean into their careers, keep their family first, balance it all, and feel good about themselves, their life, and their work—what would it be?

Katie’s Advice: Confidence and Balance

Katie: I would say to continue to have confidence in what you bring to the table and what you have to offer. Just know that you can do whatever you put your mind to. I know that sounds cliché, but I think you can still have balance in your family, even if you are leaning in at work. It’s possible, and there are ways to do that.

Ali’s Advice: Lean In Without Doing More

Ali: A lot of thoughts in my head on that one, but I would say, kind of like we were just talking about, leaning in doesn’t mean you have to do more. There are ways you can do what you need to within the time you have and still feel like you’re giving it your all—being successful and leaning in.

Don’t be afraid to lean in when you need to, without having to sacrifice what you’re also giving to your family.

Rebecca: Recognizing the Shared Journey

Rebecca: I love it. So good. Katie, Ali, thank you for being here. It’s so fun to navigate this conversation together. It’s great to have a group conversation around it too.

I think there’s so much power in recognizing that a lot of people’s journeys are very similar to ours and that our talk tracks are very similar. We’re not the only ones who have doubts or who struggle in these ways. Hearing the synergy around some of the tools and experiences in coaching is really affirming as well.

So I love it. Thank you for giving us your time and being here with us.

Coaching with Rebecca

And of course, working moms, if you’re interested in changing your talk track, leaning in, and being effective at your job without sacrificing your family, this is the exact work we do in coaching.

I would love to guide you through that. You can simply go to my website for more information: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com.

All right, ladies, until next time, let’s get to it.

Rebecca Olson