Throughout January, I am going to share the top lessons I am carrying forward from 2020.
Each of these are things I heard loud and clear as I worked to find external and internal balance in the midst of a global pandemic, divisive election, racial justice movement, the death of two family members, and upheaval in our country’s educational system.
Lesson #1: I can depend on myself
As a people person, the isolation of the pandemic has been painful. I am someone that stays connected to my friends and makes lots of plans and it all came to a screeching halt on March 15th as my calendar was wiped clean.
I didn’t see any member of my family or friend for nearly 2 months.
But the hardest part wasn’t the fact that I couldn't see people, it was that my friends and family didn’t have a lot of mental or emotional space for me. They were all dealing with their situation and their feelings…they couldn’t take on mine too.
Except for occasional texts and a few calls, I was on my own…as we all were.
This made me angry. Bitterly angry.
Doesn’t anyone care about me?
Am I not important to people?
I thought our friendship went deeper than that!?
The pandemic had exposed how dependent I was on other people to prop me up and keep me sane.
I needed other people to validate my feelings and decisions.
As months went on and my brain settled into the idea that I was "all alone" (which of course wasn’t true, but my brain likes to be dramatic), I started to get in tune with when and how I depended on others.
I found it was usually when I wasn’t feeling so good about myself. When my negative self talk was high. When I was feeling anxious about a decision.
With no one else to turn to in these moments, I had to do something really uncomfortable.
Depend on myself (which really meant, for me, depending on God).
--> I had to learn how to self-validate.
--> To stop second guessing.
--> To make my own decisions without the opinions of others.
When I felt lonely and alone, I had to learn to allow sadness and not try to always "fix" my feelings.
I learned how to keep myself accountable to my goals and ambitions.
I learned how to make myself happy.
And I learned I don’t need people as much as I thought I did.
I’m pretty well equipped to move forward and make decisions with just my own brain.
I don’t think we are suppose to rely on our friends and family in the ways that we do. Instead, I think we are meant to rely on ourself and let others be the cherry on top.
