For most of 2020 I experienced a ying and yang in life. ☯
🤚🏼On one hand the pandemic, the racial injustice, the upheaval in our country…it was overwhelming. I was angry, frustrated, overwhelmed and sad. When I was in my front yard and someone would cross the street so they wouldn’t come within 6 feet of me…I cursed them under my breath.
🤚🏼On the other hand, I was spending 24 hours with my family and there were moments and memories that are seared in my brain forever. Things I would never want to forget. Like, my son crawling into his sisters’ bed to snuggle in the morning. Or my daughter waking up in the morning desperate to learn how to ride her bike and begging me to go outside. Or night time walks in the neighborhood to see Christmas lights because what else was there to do?
For months I tried to think positively. To stay on the yang side of the spectrum. I wanted to focus on the memories not the anger.
But that didn’t work. Instead I felt like I was on a constant roller coaster of emotions and I was beating myself up for not being able to "get over" the sadness and anger.
So I stopped trying to get over it.
I decided I didn’t need to. I could actually experience both the ying and the yang at the same time.
Just because I was sad in one moment that didn’t take away from the memories of the next.
The holidays ended up being a big soup pot of emotions. I sat back and watched a magical Christmas unfold for my kids and loved every moment of it, but I wouldn’t say I was happy…in fact I would say the entire holiday season had an undercurrent of sadness and disappointment.
But ya know what? THAT’S OK.
Turns out you can feel true joy and sadness at the same time.
I didn’t have to fix the sadness. Just embrace it.
Being human means we experience a range of emotions and I was fighting the not so pretty ones. This was exhausting, hard and not allowing me to be fully present.
Instead, I want to experience all that it means to be alive.
--> I want to experience deep sorrow because I loved something so much.
--> I want to experience deep anger because I believe in something so much.
--> I want to experience disappointment because I went after something I wanted and didn’t get it.
I want to experience it all…which means I must be willing to feel the icky feelings.
You know what happened when I allowed those icky feelings to exist, instead of always trying to fix them? I experienced more joy, contentment and freedom than ever before. I was ACTUALLY present and in the moment. Turns out allowing the icky feelings is sort of a secret sauce to being present.
Stop trying to fix the icky feelings! It doesn’t mean you are broken or wrong. Learn to let them in and move on without fearing them. Click here if you find yourself avoiding icky feelings like failure and disappointment and it’s holding you back, I can help.
