BONUS: The Power of Family Time (and How to Know It’s Enough)

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In this week’s episode of the podcast, I’m diving into the third core priority of a balanced life: kid-focused time. Not just “family time” while you juggle dinner and laundry—but the kind of intentional, present moments that actually fill your kids’ love tanks and leave you feeling like the mom you want to be. I share client stories, mindset shifts, and the 3-step process to help you show up for your kids without guilt, stress, or sacrificing your career. If you've ever wondered whether you're giving your family "enough," this episode will change the way you think about time.  

Topics in this episode:

  • What “kid-focused time” really means (hint: it's not multitasking) 

  • Why more time doesn’t automatically mean better time 

  • How to decide what “enough” time is for YOU 

  • The 3 steps to make kid-focused time happen: clarity, confidence, control 

  • Real client wins from small shifts in presence, not massive life overhauls

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

Welcome to this special miniseries of the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast. In my work as a coach over the last eight years, I've had thousands of conversations with working moms and what I have found is that ones that thrive at both the boardroom and at bedtime have one thing in common. They focus on four key priorities that support sustainable and fulfilling work life balance.

These are the very same priorities that I coach on inside my Ambitious and Balanced program. And in this series I'm giving you the behind the scenes look at what they are, why they matter, and how they create real transformation. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or something just needs to change, but you're not sure what, this series is your starting place and if you're ready to go deeper, the next round of Ambitious and Balanced is open for enrollment right now.

Head to the show notes to learn more and to grab your consultation call with me to find out if you are the perfect fit for this upcoming cohort. Let's dive into today's episode. 

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

The Third Essential Priority for a Balanced Life

Hey working moms. In this bonus episode, we're focusing on the third essential priority in a balanced life.

Up to this point, we've talked about off-work time and time just for you — that's your me time. But this priority is about showing up as the mom that you want to be. It's kid-focused time.

Because at the end of the day, if you aren't giving your kids enough time, and you feel like they're just sort of getting the leftovers of your time and energy, and that you're prioritizing work more than your family — if that's how you feel at the end of the day — then work-life balance is going to be near impossible. You won’t be showing up as the mom that you want to be.

And for all of us, at the end of the day, our family comes first, right? If push comes to shove, you choose your family. And so, you need to feel like you're giving your family the very best.

What “Kid-Focused Time” Really Means

So, what do I mean by kid-focused time?

Kid-focused time, by my definition — and the definition that I teach inside the Ambitious and Balanced program — is time that you have set aside where you are completely focused on your children. No phone in hand. You're not cleaning up the room at the same time. You're not thinking about a bunch of other things that you should be doing or need to get done.

This is focused, devoted time with your kids.

Why “Family Time” Isn’t Always Enough

What I hear a lot from women is that family time — and I’m sort of putting that in quotes if you're not watching this on YouTube right now — is the time that you've set aside between work and bedtime.

But when it comes to work-life balance, I'm not talking about that type of family time. Because you can't be 100% focused, uninterrupted, and fully present with your kids for three hours in the evening, right? You still have dinner to make, lunches to prepare, bath time, and all sorts of things to get done between the time you come home from work and when your kids go to bed.

So it's not that entire window. Instead, you have to make an intentional decision around when you are going to solely focus on your kids — to be eye-to-eye or elbow-to-elbow working on something — where all other distractions and agendas are put away. And you have to decide for how long you're going to do that. That is what kid-focused time is.

Danielle’s Story: Transforming 90 Minutes into Connection

I remember a client of mine, Danielle. She and I worked together several years ago — she was actually in an old group coaching program that I did many, many years ago.

When she came into the program, she said, “I don't spend enough time with my kids.” Because of the way her work schedule and commute worked, she didn’t see them in the morning. She had to get up and start her commute before they were awake. It was a long commute, and by the time she got home, she only had about 90 minutes to two hours with her kids before they went to sleep.

She didn’t think that was enough — and you might hear that and think the same thing. And certainly, she wasn’t using that entire time to totally focus on her kids either. There was still dinner, baths, and other things to do. It wasn’t like she was truly focusing on her kids; it was more like household management.

Together in coaching, we worked on making those 90 minutes as fruitful and as connected as possible. And it changed everything.

Redefining “Enough” Time with Your Kids

Now, I want to focus for a moment on one word: enough.

Because at the end of the day, it's all about spending enough time with your kids. Is it enough… or enough? I’m emphasizing it here — enough time with your kids.

There’s no set number of minutes or hours. Enough for you might not be enough for me, and vice versa. You get to decide how much enough truly is for you.

And I want to caution you against the idea that more time with your kids is automatically better. That’s a trap I actually debunk in my Ambitious and Balanced program with my clients all the time. We have really intentional conversations around this because our brains like to think that more time with our kids makes us a better mom.

But if that were true, then every stay-at-home mom — who spends most of the day with their kids — would automatically be a better mom than every working mom, right? And of course, we hear that and think, “Of course that’s not true.” You can have a great stay-at-home mom, and you can have a really great working mom as well. It doesn’t have to do with time.

However, each of us needs to decide for ourselves what that word enough really means — that point when we’ve satisfied the amount of time we want to spend with our kids.

Ena’s Story: Finding Balance in a Busy Season

I remember Ena — who you heard on this podcast just a couple of weeks ago — share her story about being in the Ambitious and Balanced program. And let me tell you, if you did not hear her story, definitely go back and listen to it.

She was in this really busy season while she was in the program — a super busy season at work — where she would get home really late and basically just make it to bedtime. In my mind, the way I imagine it is: she would arrive home, drop her things on the floor, and walk straight into her son’s room to put him to bed. That was as much time as she had with him during the day for a short period while she was working on this particular project.

A Five-Minute Moment of Connection

She even said at one point, “I only had one night this week where I got like five minutes.” She literally walked in, sat down on his bed, looked him in the eye, and connected with him. She asked him about his day — I think he’s five, if I recall… five or six — and he told her about his day.

She was totally present. She didn’t have anything else with her. She felt like she and her son were connected in that moment as she listened to what was going on for him and as he shared how he was feeling that day.

Even though she walked out of the room those handful of nights wishing she had more time with him, she still walked out feeling like a really great mom because the time she did spend was so intentional and so present — even though it was short.

Why Minutes Don’t Matter as Much as Presence

And I know you’ve had this experience, right? Being with your kids for an entire weekend, and then getting to the end of it feeling totally exhausted, totally depleted, and totally disconnected from them.

And I also know you’ve had short moments — whether you were just reading a simple book and were totally enveloped in the moment, or taking your kid out for Starbucks for a 15-minute coffee date — where you walked away from that time feeling really fulfilled and connected, with a smile on your face.

That’s because the number of minutes doesn’t matter. You just need to decide how much time is enough for you. And of course, it can vary from season to season — even week to week sometimes — so that you always feel like it’s enough.

Erika’s Realization: Family Time Isn’t Always Connection Time

I remember when Erika, who was in the last cohort of Ambitious and Balanced, when we started talking about this particular priority, she was like, oh, well, I already set aside family time. Like here I work from this time to this time. And then I set aside, let's just say like 4 to 7, 4 to 8, to be with my boys. And that is my family time.

The Difference Between “Being Around” and “Being With”

And so then I asked her to dig in a little bit further and I said, what we're actually looking for is time that you were like on the floor playing pretend airplane with your youngest, right? Where you are on the floor building a Lego set with your oldest, right? And she kind of froze because she realized that even though she had plenty of time that she had set aside to be with her family, she was not actually being with them, she was sort of managing them. She wasn't actually filling their love tank or hers. She was just sort of around, right?

Making the Shift to Fully Present Time

And that's not what we're talking about when we're talking about this particular priority. So she had to make a decision around when and how long she was going to play airplane with them in this particular case, or read them a book or just be super focused on them when she was literally gonna set aside her agenda to like, cook meals or pack lunches or clean a closet out, or pick up toys and just be fully present and available to her kids.

Why Intentional Time Matters for Sustainable Work-Life Balance

Because the reality was the like three to four hours she had set aside to be with family, that wasn't actually happening, right? She found she had to intentionally decide to truly put aside all of the other, like, agenda items that she had on her list, like her to-dos, to really focus on her kids at that time.

And I know a lot of you are probably saying, hey, shouldn't this just happen naturally? Like, shouldn't I want to or feel compelled to spend time with my kids in this way? And the reality is, of course you do. Of course you want to spend time with your kids in this way. But you also want to be productive and you also want to meet your goals and get through your to-do list at the same time.

And because you work in an ambitious job and you care about the impact that you're making at work, and you spend like eight plus hours a day working and focusing on your work goals, that doesn't naturally shut off just because you're with your kids. Your kids are important, but of course your work is too. And yes, your kids are more important, but a ball in motion stays in motion.

So unless you set aside intentional time to focus on your kids and to fill their love tank, right? Your time spent with them will feel probably like empty calories. And you can't create work-life balance in any sustainable way when you are spending like, unfocused time, family time, general family time with your kids, that doesn't leave you feeling fulfilled or them feeling fulfilled.

So let's talk about the three simple steps to make this priority happen for you now. Again, these are the same exact steps I've been talking about in this mini-series. These are the same steps that I teach inside my Ambitious and Balanced program. I'm trying to break them down for you priority by priority.

And if this at all resonates with you, if you are looking for a guide through this process to coach you in your specific circumstances and the challenges that you face in making your priorities happen, I want to remind you the next cohort is forming right now.

Ambitious and Balanced Starts on August 18

This is actually the September cohort, but the virtual classroom is opening up August 18th. And so the group is forming now in preparation for that. And then our weekly calls don't start until the middle of September.

So there's so much time for you to learn this process, start implementing this process, and ask questions on this process before we even get into our weekly coaching sessions that happen in September.

I would love, love, love to talk to you about that if that is of interest to you. You can find a link in the show notes for more information about the Ambitious and Balanced process and to book a call with me to chat more about it.

Step One: Get Clear on Your Kid-Focused Time

But let's break down the three steps right here, right now.

Okay, so the first step in prioritizing your kid-focused time is clarity. You have to give your brain some sense of direction. When are you going to spend this time with your kids? What days of the week? For how long? What are you going to do during that time? Or what are some options to do during that time? Crystal clarity on the priority.

And the last piece of clarity — which actually I think might be even the more important one — is why. Why is this so important to you? Why do you want to make this time in your calendar for your kids? Why is it more important than having prepped lunches for the next day or a cleaner house? Why is it more important than answering an email from a client that needs you?

When your brain gets on board with the purpose behind why this priority is important to you, it's going to get a whole lot easier.

Step Two: Build Confidence in Your Choice

The second step is confidence. Now, I know this might sound kind of weird in this context, but confidence, the way I like to teach it inside this program, is really about your belief in self. It's about having a really positive self-view all of the time.

In this case, your brain is going to be telling you that you should really be more productive with your time. That you should have more things checked off your list than you do. And maybe you don't really have time to spend with your kids in this way. That you're going to get behind if you take 30 minutes a day to do this with your kids. Or that you're going to be failing your clients if you don't get back to them right away.

Your brain is going to offer you so many reasons — and a lot of excuses and a lot of pressure — to compromise on this particular priority.

Why Confidence Counters Negative Self-Talk

When you say no to that so you can actually focus on your kids — because it is, in fact, the most important thing for you to do and you’ve decided it’s the most important thing for you to do — your brain needs to still remember why you’re such an amazing employee, why you’re so valuable to your clients, why you’re so valuable to your company, why you’re deserving and worthy of having this time with your kids, and why you’re such an amazing mom because you’re spending this time with your kids.

You need to be able to remind yourself of how amazing you are so you can counter all of that negative self-talk that is sure to surface when you start actually prioritizing things other than productivity and success at work.

A confident person is able to have these types of thoughts — or at least redirect to these types of thoughts — in the moment. Your belief in yourself is going to get a little shaky when you start prioritizing something other than work, when you start focusing on your kid and not checking email during that time. And you’re going to need to be able to counter that. That’s why confidence is actually a step here in the process.

Step Three: Control — Following Through on Your Priorities

And the last step that I teach in the Ambitious and Balanced process is control. Because it's really not enough for you to get clear on the time that you want to spend with your kids and to decide when that's going to happen and to put it into your calendar and to believe in yourself at a really foundational level.

It's not enough because when push comes to shove, you actually have to follow through. And just getting clear and feeling confident in yourself doesn't mean you're actually going to follow through, right? That's really where the rubber hits the road.

You're giving yourself the best possible chance of success by getting clear and making a commitment and feeling really confident in yourself — but it's not going to guarantee that you're actually going to do it.

Mastering Mindset and Emotions to Stay Balanced

You have to learn how to control your emotions and your mindsets in these moments of follow-through. You have to learn how to pause and process the pressure-filled thoughts and anxieties and emotions that are going to come up in this moment when you are going to stick to your priorities and hold to your boundaries.

That's where it all comes down to. And it's a lot of what we practice inside the Ambitious and Balanced program. I give you a whole host of tools to learn how to pivot yourself out of unwanted mindsets and feelings of anxiety, and teach you how to think and feel a lot more intentionally — and to alleviate guilt and anxiety.

Because being someone that decides on their priorities, believes in themselves, and then follows through with those priorities… that is someone that is going to live a balanced life.

Danielle’s Transformation: From “Not Enough Time” to True Connection

I wanna come back to the client I mentioned I spoke of. Her name was Danielle. She only had 90 minutes, right? Every day to spend with her kids, she felt like it wasn't enough.

Well, guess what? At the end of her time in coaching, she still only had 90 minutes with her kids, right? Her job didn't change, her commute didn't change. Her circumstance literally didn't change at all. But how she felt about that time changed dramatically because she was able to tweak her own presence and give focus and uninterrupted devotion to her children during that time.

It wasn't for the full 90 minutes, because there were still, again, dinner to be made and bath times to happen. But she was able to take a chunk of that time and be fully present with them. She no longer felt like she was failing them as a mom. She started feeling so much more satisfied and connected with them during that time.

Then, after three months of practicing that, she knew that sustainable work-life balance was possible for her moving forward because she could, in fact, give her kids what they needed and she could feel satisfied and like she was giving the best she could to her kids as well.

How Presence Changes Kids’ Behavior

For myself, when I give uninterrupted time to my kids, their behavior changes, right? Literally, I fill their love tank and I fill their heart with connection, if you will. And my heart gets filled with connection.

I get more snuggles from them. I get less resistance. I get less struggle. I get fewer meltdowns. Of course, I still get those things — I’m not saying they go away entirely — but they 100% lessen.

And science actually backs that. If you follow any parenting coach out there, they would tell you the same exact thing: you're going to get an entire behavior change from your children if you start filling their love tank on a daily basis.

Show Up as the Mom You Want to Be

Remember, in a balanced life, you have to show up as the mom that you want to be. That's an essential part of being a working mom and creating balance. And the only way to do that is to give your kids enough time so that they feel seen and heard, and you feel like you're giving them your best.

It does not have to be a long time. I've given you examples of everything from five minutes here to clients that have done 30 minutes. It's not a long time. It just needs to be a decided amount of time that you feel committed to on a regular basis.

Don't forget to book that call. I am filling that September cohort right now. And there's space for you still. I only take 10 women into this program, and once it's filled, it's filled.

Future cohorts — there actually might be more women in this program. So if you are looking to have a much smaller cohort, if you are looking for that intimacy, this cohort is probably the one you want to join. You will walk away from our time spending more time with your kids, feeling just as successful at work and productive at work, having a much more calm internal state of being. And you're gonna love your working mom life, I promise.

All right, working moms, until next week, let's get to it.

Join the Next Ambitious and Balanced Cohort

If you're listening to this thinking, yes, I want this kind of balance, but I have no idea how to get there, I want to personally invite you to join the next cohort of Ambitious and Balanced.

This is my signature group coaching program for working moms who want to stop overworking, stop people-pleasing, and finally start prioritizing themselves without sacrificing their ambition or success. You'll walk away in this program with tools to switch out of work mode and be fully present at home, to make decisions without any guilt, to enjoy time for yourself without checking your inbox, and finally to feel like you're in control of your life again.

One of my clients that graduated from the program recently said, “This is the first time I felt like me since becoming a mom.” And that's the power of this program.

But listen — materials are going out Monday, August 18th, and we start in September. 

Only 10 women will be accepted. And once it's full, it's full. 

If your whole body just said, ugh, I need a program like this, then go to www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced to get all the details and to save your spot.

Balance isn't just possible — it's closer than you think. Are you ready? Let's get to it.

Rebecca Olson