Ok, let's get clear on the actual problem.
Most people cringe when they hear the words "people pleaser". It feels icky to be stamped with such a label.
But aren’t we all people pleasers on some level?
We all want to be liked.
In fact, we need it.
We need to feel a sense of belonging. It’s a part of our survival instinct.
It also feels good to please others. It feels good to bring joy to someone’s life.
People pleasers are often in the helping professions. They are excellent at reading people and meeting the needs of others. They are described as kind, compassionate, caring and true friends.
The world needs people pleasers!
But what we don’t need are people-sacrificers.
People that sacrifice themselves, their own needs, their own voice, their own thoughts for the sake of others.
This does not serve humankind.
People pleasing turns icky when this line is crossed. When one goes from pleasing others to sacrificing for others.
So…I’m just going to change the phrase to people-sacrificers, so our brains get clear on the issue.
People-sacrificers are constantly drained of their energy, struggle to make decisions for themselves, have a hard time voicing their opinions (no matter how genius) and often deal with lots of negative self-talk and resentment.
Bringing awareness to moments of people pleasing (vs. moments of people-sacrificing) is important because we don't want to change the good parts of you. The innate, unique and beautiful parts of how you serve people...instead, we want to change the moments of sacrifice. The moments where it goes from life-giving to life-draining.
But you have to become aware of that moment first. The moment it crosses the line. If you can identify it...you can change it.
