The link between your brain and balance (part 3)

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Your brain is so powerful, that your thoughts are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They will either move you forward or hold you back. Which means, you have to be able to control what's going on in your brain if you want to have an ambitious and balanced life. In this episode we will be focusing on the third component that creates balance: a controlled mind.

What we feel stems from what we think. The literal words that go through your head are what create sensations or feelings in your body. So if you want to feel balanced, you have to think thoughts that create a feeling of balance. In this episode, I am going to teach you how your thoughts are connected to your emotions, the most common thoughts that create imbalance and exactly what you should be thinking instead.

This is part 3 of a 4 part series on creating work-life balance.

Topics in this episode:

  • How your thoughts control feeling balanced

  • Your brain likes to think the most practiced thought

  • Why it’s important to understand that your thoughts are not true

  • The 2 most common thoughts that create imbalance

  • The best thoughts that will help you feel balance

  • 2 tools to help shift from imbalanced to balanced thinking

Show Notes:

Want some additional support to creating work-life balance? Check out the Work-Life Balance Formula, a free training where I teach you the exact equation for feeling present at home and happy at work. Click here to sign up: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.net/balanceformula

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Transcript

Intro

Our brain is so powerful, that our thoughts are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They either move us forward or they hold us back. So, you have to be able to really control what's going on up there if you want to have an ambitious and balanced life. In this episode, we will be diving into the third component that creates balance: a controlled mind. 


Now, there's a lot of different ways we can talk about mindset, we could use almost any term we want but at the heart of it, it’s about controlling the words that go through your brain. And in this episode, I am going to be teaching you how your thoughts are connected to your emotions, the most common thoughts that create imbalance, and then exactly what you should be thinking instead. You ready? Let’s get to it. 


Welcome to the ambitious and balanced working mom podcast, the place for women who want to balance their ambitious career goals with their life as a mom. If you’re looking to feel more confident, decisive, and productive at both work and home then this is the place for you. I’m your host Rebecca Olson, let’s get to it! 


Ambitious & balanced working moms, hello! 


I don’t know about you, but with vaccines coming out, schools opening up, and the ability to hug family members that I literally haven’t seen in over a year, there is a lot of thoughts and emotions flying about right now! And it feels like it's the perfect time for this topic because we're going to be covering thoughts and emotions in this episode. This is the third topic in our four-part series, and if you haven't listened to the other two it's totally OK, you can simply go back and listen to those after this one…


So this series I’ve called the four C’s to a balanced life. The 4 components that I'm teaching have come from working with hundreds of ambitious working moms, helping them to find balance in their life. In the first episode, we talked about the first C: confidence. In the second we talked about clarity. And today we're going to talk about the third C: a controlled mind.  


Why your thoughts are important.

Now you're gonna hear me talk about this over and over in this podcast, but basic psychology tells us that what we feel stems from what we think. The literal thoughts that go through your head are what create sensations or feelings in your body. So if you want to feel different, you have to think different. That is why your thoughts are so crucial. Remember, balance is a feeling. So there is a direct correlation between what you’re thinking and if you are feeling balance or imbalance. 


Ok, I want to pause for a second, because I know this may seem pretty obvious, but I want to make sure we're all on the same page by what I mean when I say thoughts. Thoughts are literally the words that go through your head. Your thoughts are not truth, they are not fixed…they are simply words. And since there is a direct correlation between what you feel and the words that go through your head, you are going to want to choose words that are going to help you to feel balanced.  


The connection between thoughts and feelings.

Now, I’m going to give you a few examples of some really powerful thoughts that you can practice to create a balanced life, but first I want to be sure you really see the connection between thoughts and feelings. So, I’m going to walk you through two very simple examples. 


Let’s say you receive a message from your boss that says “I’m really going to need that report by the end of the day.” and you think “Oh my gosh, she thinks I'm behind and must think I'm not going to get it done.” How does that make you feel? Panicked? Anxious? 


But that thought isn’t the only one you could be thinking, you could think “she seems a bit anxious, I'm going to try to get it done a little bit early so she has time to look it over.” And that thought might make you feel committed and driven to finish the task a little ahead of schedule. 


Do you see how different these two thoughts are? It's the same circumstance, it’s the same message, but what you think about it will either send you into a panic or make you feel really committed.


Let's talk about another scenario, a scenario I know we have all experienced. Let’s say your baby has been fussy and crying for the last 60 minutes. You could think, “What am I doing wrong? I don’t know how to help her. She should have stopped crying by now”, which makes you feel guilty and like you’re a terrible mom and maybe even anxious because you think there might be something wrong with your baby…Or you could think, “This is totally normal, she’s just having a really hard time.” Which makes you feel empathetic, strong, and capable.


Can you see the connection here? It isn’t your baby crying that makes you feel anxious or panicked, it’s what you think about her crying that makes you feel that way…and you ultimately get to decide what you want to think.  


Big picture, what we are talking about…is recognizing you have some control over your thoughts, identifying the thoughts that are creating the feeling of imbalance in your life right now, and then starting to shift those thoughts into ones that create a feeling of balance is the whole point. So we're going from imbalanced thoughts to balanced thoughts. 


3 truths about your thoughts. 

Now, before we start talking about specific thoughts that create imbalance and then specific thoughts that create balance, I want to offer you 3 truths about your thoughts.


Your brain likes to be in cruise control. Which means most of the time, it just likes to think the most practiced thought. Literally, it's the thought that you think over and over and over again. 


I like to think of our practiced thoughts like highways. Just set the cruise control and go. New thoughts are kinda like off-roading it. The road is bumpy. It takes longer to get to the destination. There might be some unexpected rocks or trees in your path….but if you started to drive that road, or think that thought, over and over again…the dirt road would smooth out, weeds would stop growing, and it will get easier to drive. But in the beginning, it’s going to take a little bit of effort. 


The second truth is that your brain is always going to want to be on your side…it wants to find evidence for anything you think. So if you think: I can’t figure this out, your brain sorta goes… “yeah, your right…this is hard, you might not be able to figure this out. Maybe you just need more time. Better not to start right now until you get more information” – your brain is just kind of on your side. But, if you start thinking: I got this, I can figure it out, your brain gets on board and is like, “you’re darn right you can figure this out! You have figured out a lot of hard things, this is no different…let’s go!” Your brain is always on your behalf, it never offers thoughts it doesn’t think are helpful to you. 


Lastly, you have to remember that your thoughts are not truth. There are 100 ways you can think about something, it’s about choosing the thoughts out of the 100 that are actually helpful to you, that is going to help you to feel balanced. In a lot of ways what we're talking about is perspective. There are 100 different perspectives you can have of the same experience. That's why a first-time mom and a second-time mom would experience their crying baby completely differently. The first time mom would panic and the second time mom would likely be much calmer. They have completely different perspectives of the situation. And ultimately you get to choose which perspective (or which thoughts) you want. 


What are common thoughts that create a feeling of imbalance? 

Ok, let’s talk about some of the most common thoughts that create a feeling of imbalance. If you can pinpoint which thoughts are kind of living on cruise control in your brain, you can go to work to change it. So, I’m going to give you the two most common thoughts I hear from ambitious working moms that create imbalance. 


The first is: I should be doing more. – if you are thinking this thought then likely nothing you do feels like enough. In fact, you likely question “enough” a lot. You’re not putting in enough time at work (you should be doing more). You are not spending enough time with your family (you should be doing more). You are not getting enough done. See where I am going with this? It’s a constant feeling of being behind and feeling like your failing because of it. Feeling like a failure will always cause imbalance.


The second thought is: I’m doing it wrong. This is kind of a perfectionist’s way of thinking – You’re always trying to get it right and in fact, spend a lot of time fearing getting it wrong. 


This shows up all over the place. As a mom, when you are thinking “I’m doing in wrong” you are second-guessing everything. Women stuck in this thought research the heck out of things, ask lots of people their opinions or search social media for the right answers. At work, this thought looks like a lack of self-confidence. Taking a really long time to get things done to ensure you don’t miss anything, and you get it just right. And when you’re not trusting yourself and second-guessing yourself, you’re going to feel a lot of imbalance.  


Remember, these are just your cruise control thoughts and your brain offers them to you, not because they are true, but because they are a habit.


Ok…let’s shift into talking about a few go-to thoughts that are going to create balance. 


My go-to thoughts that create balance in my life.

This first one is one of my go-to’s, I say it to myself all the time! “I’m exactly where I should be” – Such a powerful thought! This thought kinda ends all second-guessing. If you are always exactly where you should be there isn’t ever a feeling you should be somewhere else! You are always present. You don’t question yourself or your career. Women that say this to themselves feel a lot of purpose. And most women that feel a sense of purpose also feel a sense of balance. 


The second thought I want to offer to you is: ”I can figure this out” – Inherent in this thought is the belief that the answer is within you. No matter what may come your way…you can figure it out…you can handle it. Women that tend to believe this about themselves and say this often feel a lot of confidence. They don’t think much of failing and trust themselves to problem solve.


Ok, so our goal here is to go from imbalanced to balanced thoughts. Let me give you a couple of ways you can go about doing that.


How to create balanced thoughts.

When I work with my clients on creating balanced thoughts I often have them take a thought and start arguing why it’s true. So, for example, take the thought: I’m exactly where I should be and just start listing out all the reasons why that is actually true. Why you’re just where you should be in your career, in your life as a mom, in the city you live in, in your house, in your marriage – find all the evidence that you are right where you should be and how you know that to be true. And then start practicing that thought. Say it to yourself over and over, write it down over and over, use it as a password on your computer so you have to type it out over and over. Start making THAT the dominant thought. 


Conclusion

To wrap up here…Our thoughts are not true. You get to decide what you want to think. And because our feelings stem from our thoughts, when it comes to feeling balanced you have to start thinking thoughts that actually generate those feelings and then practice them enough so they get on cruise control.


Next week, we’ll dive into the 4th and final component that creates balance: commitment. See ya then.

Rebecca Olson