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Scheduling in (and keeping) time for just you and you priorities is difficult. There never feels like enough time, you don’t want anyone to be disappointed or to feel like you don’t support them and so you either never schedule time for yourself and your priorities or you do but you’re constantly moving that time block around. However, if you want to stay a high achiever and learn to be more productive and focused in your time, holding to your own time blocks is a necessary skill. In today’s podcast I share with you 4 steps to scheduling and keeping time for just you.

Topics in this episode:

Why scheduling in time for just you is difficult
The road block to scheduling in time for yourself is not a lack of time
The emotions that come up when you hold to your own time and priorities
How to keep this appointment with yourself even when your boss needs something from you or others are inconvenienced by it
4 steps to following through with time scheduled just for you and your tasks

Show Notes:

Put yourself at the top of the priority list by scheduling a free coaching call where you will learn exactly what it takes to hold your boundaries and actually prioritize the things that are most important to you. Click here to learn more: https://www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/aligning-motherhood-program
Learn to be a more present and connected mom! Click here to sign up for a free 19-day audio series that will teach you tools & strategies for being present and happy in your everyday life. Click here to sign up: https://www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/be-present-optin

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Transcript

Intro

Scheduling in and keeping time for just you and your projects and your tasks and your priorities - that is what we're going to talk about on the podcast today. You likely fall into one of two camps. You either never schedule in time for yourself and your to-do's and priorities, or you do, but you're constantly moving that time block around or not actually accomplishing the things that need to be accomplished during it.

Well, in today's podcast, I'm going to tell you exactly why that's happening and what you need to do to overcome it. There are four steps to scheduling and keeping time for yourself, and I'm diving into each one of them right here, right now. You ready? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, the place for women who want to balance their ambitious career goals with their life as a mom. If you're looking to feel more confident, decisive, and productive at both work and home, then this is the place for you. I'm your host, Rebecca Olson. Let's get to it.

Hello, working moms. It is finally time to record a podcast on a subject that I talk about with every single one of my clients. This subject has probably been on my list of subjects for months and months and months now. And I am finally getting around to recording this podcast.

Not only because I've recently had this same conversation with a bunch of clients over the last couple of weeks, but I've been really mulling over the best way to talk about this on the podcast because I want you to walk away from this conversation around what we're going to talk about today with some really tangible implementable takeaways. And I feel like I'm there, I feel like I've mulled this over. And I've written down some notes and some thoughts on this, and I'm going to break it down for you in a really simple way. So today what we're going to talk about is what it takes to schedule and keep time for yourself.

What is heads-down time?

Now, at work, you might call this a time block or heads-down time. Essentially, it's a time that you put on your calendar for just you to get something done in your personal life. This might be a time that you've scheduled to work out or read a book or work on a craft project or do something that you've wanted to do just for you.

Now, what's important to note is the time that we're talking about does not, generally speaking, have an effect on anyone else. Meaning it's not a time that you're planning to meet anyone else. It's not a massage or a hair appointment because those, appointments ultimately have you accountable to someone else. These are times that you've just set aside for yourself when no one else is expecting you.

And this is important to note because it is much easier for us to hold an appointment or a time block when we know that someone else is going to be there or is relying on us in some way.

For example, it feels like a very different commitment to schedule a walk with someone else than it is to just schedule a walk for yourself where you're not planning to meet anyone.

The likelihood that you follow through and go on that walk when you've committed to showing up with a friend is infinitely greater than your likelihood of following through on a walk that you have set aside just for you.

The likelihood that you would prioritize a walk that is just for you and not schedule over it because somebody else needs you or not compromise on it if there's a deadline that gets pushed up or a meeting request that comes in or your kids are just having a terrible day and you feel emotionally exhausted is so much easier if there's somebody else that you're going to go out and meet for that walk than it is when it's just you.

It’s easy to cancel on yourself.

You feel like you can cancel on yourself when nobody else is affected. And we oftentimes do not feel very good, at least about canceling on someone else.

Now, why is this? A lot of my clients would say that it's a part of their people-pleasing habits on some level, right? People pleasers don't want other people to be disappointed, and so they make a lot of decisions to make sure that people are not disappointed.

Women often don't see themselves as being a high priority.

But to be honest, I don't think of this as being people-pleasing behavior so much as a human behavior, particularly a female one, because women don't often see themselves as being a really high priority.

They're not committed to themselves in the same way they're committed to their kids or to their family or to their coworkers or their boss.

But it's not just that, though it likely is a piece of it, the biggest challenge in scheduling and holding on to appointments that you have just with yourself is an emotional one. And I'm going to share a lot more about what I mean on this podcast today.

So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to walk you through the process of scheduling and holding onto appointments that are just for you. And while I'm doing that, I'm going to be sharing some of those challenges and what it takes to overcome those challenges along the way. You ready? Here we go.

Schedule time for yourself.

Step one is to schedule time for yourself. Now, again, this is time for you to check things off of your to-do list, to make progress on a project just for you. Time for you to recharge - whatever it is, it goes in your calendar.

Scheduling is the very important word here. I've talked a lot about this on a recent podcast because a lot of times what I see from my clients is they try to squeeze in time for themselves or progress on their to-dos in some way. They're just going to try to fit it in in the in-between moments, in between meetings or obligational moments or what I see is that they make this sort of wishy-washy commitment to it, which kind of sounds like, well, if I get to it, then I will. Or, if I feel like it, then I will.

If you really want to become someone that prioritizes time for just you and your priorities, you have to have a clear commitment and a clear time to do it.

Now, if you struggle with this, it's likely because you have not done the work to see this time as being important or a priority. You think that you should do this more naturally or it should come more easily to you. And so you don't take the opportunity to teach your brain why this is important.

One of the things I tell my clients all the time is when the importance of something or the purpose behind something feels more energizing than the discomfort of doing it, then they will do it.

So if you're not scheduling in this time for yourself, if it's literally not making it to your calendar, it is not because you are not a priority or you don't think that. It's that you haven't gotten your brain dominantly on board with that idea. And you actually have to put some effort, you have to teach your brain, show your brain that this is the most important thing.

Okay, so step one is the time for yourself, the time to get through your projects, your to-dos, get to your priorities, your hobbies, whatever it is that time makes it onto your calendar.

Name the result you wish to achieve in your blocked time.

The second step after you've put it into your calendar is to decide what result is going to come from it. Now, this is a very important step that most people miss. And if you're somebody that has tried time blocking before and has struggled to keep it, this is likely one of the reasons why you need to actually decide what will be accomplished at the end of the time that you set aside for yourself.

Now, this is probably more applicable on the work front, because what I see people do is they schedule an hour into their calendar to just get some of their to-do's done. But notice how there's no real commitment to a result when you do it that way. It's just, I'm going to try to knock out as many things on my to-do list as possible.

But notice how different it feels when you say, I'm going to write this email. I'm going to reach out to this client and communicate this new deadline. I'm going to write the first draft of this presentation. I'm going to read all of my emails.

Notice how different it feels to actually name the result that's going to come from that time.

Another reason why this is so important is because oftentimes when we look at a to-do list it is unprioritized and our brain is most naturally going to go to the things that are the easiest that we can do in the quickest amount of time, not necessarily the most important things.

So when you're scheduling in time for yourself if you actually want to accomplish the things that need to get done that are most important to you, maybe they're not the most urgent, but they're the most important, they would make the most impact in your work life, your work day and your tasks, whatever it would be likely. You have to decide ahead of time that you're going to accomplish those things. You have to feel committed to those results.

Make a commitment to the result.

So step two is to make a commitment to the result that you want to accomplish in that time and be as specific as possible. Okay, so you've scheduled in the time you've decided what you're going to accomplish during that time based on importance, not urgency.

Protect the time you’ve scheduled.

And now it's time for step three, which is to protect the time. Now this is where things get really tricky because lots of other things are going to start competing for that time. There will be a lot of crises that come up that your brain thinks is its job to fix and you're going to have to follow through.

You're going to have to protect this time even when everyone on your team needs to schedule a meeting. And the convenient time that works for everyone is during this time block that you've set aside and you're going to have to say no, that's what it means to protect the time.

You're going to have to protect this time. You're going to have to keep it even when your boss adds something to your plate and it feels like the only time you have to do it is during this time clock that you've set aside for something else. And even then you're either going to have to tell them, no, I can't do that project, or you're going to have to give your boss a more accurate time frame on when you can achieve it because you're not going to do it during this time block.

You're going to have to keep this time, protect this time, even when you have a new person on your team that you are training. She's not caught up yet and she needs a lot of guidance right now and there's this task that she needs to accomplish that's come up and she needs your help and you're going to need to walk her through how to do it.

And the only time that seems convenient for the two of you is this time block. And you're going to have to tell her, no, you can't do it during that time. So she's either going to have to figure it out on her own, you're going to have to push back when you're going to teach her how to do it or you're going to have to direct her to somebody else.

Can you see where I'm going with this? Can you see why this is really, really hard? Because you're going to have to keep this time.

You're going to have to protect it even when your sister or your brother or your good friend or your mom asks you to come over and help them with something. And you don't have any other time to do it this weekend except for this time that you've set aside just for you.

It’s hard to say no to people.

And you're going to have to tell them no. This is the hardest part. And I told you earlier in this podcast why it's so hard. Your brain thinks it's hard because there's always these competing priorities. There's always something that someone needs from you. And while that might be true and it makes protecting this time and holding it much harder, that isn't the real challenge.

The challenge of keeping to your time blocks.

The challenge, the hurdle to actually keeping these time blocks, keeping the time and protecting the time you set aside for yourself. The challenge is an emotional one.

So here's what I want you to imagine. You are trying to get from point A to point B.

Point A is where you're standing today. It's you with a long to-do list, lots of priorities, lots of projects undone, and emails that are not sent. And point B is where you want to be. It's a shorter to-do list, more things, buttoned up, tighter communication, feeling on top of things.

What stands between where you are now and where you want to be is a wall, an emotional wall. And in order for you to get from point A to point B, you're going to have to climb it. Meaning you're going to have to feel all of the emotions that come up with getting yourself from where you are now to where you want to be.

You're not going to be able to go around the wall. You're not going to be able to magically fly over the wall. In fact, the more you sit back and try to figure out how to get past that wall without actually going over it, is more time you waste feeling stuck where you're at.

Because the reality is to really get yourself from point A to point B, the fastest way is just to climb it, or in this case, to feel the emotions that are going to come up.

So let me pull this into the practical for you. Let me explain what I mean here. Let's go back to the examples I was giving before.

Your team needs to schedule a meeting and the only time that works for everyone is during this one block of time that you've set aside to work on a specific project for a specific reason. And in order for you to actually make progress on this project and not to work overtime in order to make it happen, what's required is for you to say no to this meeting request, which means everyone else will either have to shuffle their schedules around, or you're just going to have to miss the meeting. And they'll have to do it without you.

Emotions are your wall.

But what emotions come up, when you think about doing that, when you think about telling them, no, I can't, I already have a meeting during that time with myself? Is it the fear that they're going to be disappointed in you? Is it the fear of what they're going to think? They might think you're not a team player. You might think you're not a team player. You may feel like you're not pulling your weight and that you're letting everyone down.

Do you hear all of those emotions? Disappointment, anxiousness about what other people think, feeling like you're not a good team player, feeling like you're inadequate in some way, probably guilt for inconveniencing everyone. These are your wall.

You could take a bunch of time and energy trying to figure out how to not feel these emotions, to talk yourself out of them, to convince yourself that you really are a good and supportive team player. You could spend a bunch of time problem-solving for how to make that meeting and get that project done at the same time.

But to be honest, that's what you're doing now. You're trying to figure out how to make sure no one is disappointed, that you're always appearing as a team player, like no one else is inconvenienced because of you.

You're attempting to do that now, and the result is you not getting your projects done at the time you want and you working past the time you want in order to get it all done. Feeling overwhelmed by your to-dos, feeling like you're failing your family, feeling like you're failing at work, it's not working with you, trying to avoid this emotional wall.

Now, I have been coaching working moms for the past six years, hundreds of women, talking them through what it takes to stop overworking, to stop caring so much about what other people think, to start prioritizing themselves and their own work. That's point b. That's where you want to be. And that's what I coach women on all of the time, all day long.

You have to be willing to feel all of the icky feeling emotions.

So let me tell you, the fastest way to get from where you're at today to that point to point B is to just simply climb that wall. It's to literally be willing to feel all of the icky feeling emotions that come up when you prioritize your time.

Now, if that sounds really overwhelming to you or you feel really confused and have no idea what I'm talking about, this is the exact work that we do in coaching.

I teach you not only how to process those icky feeling emotions so that you move through them faster and they don't linger with you so long, and you stop avoiding them and resisting them, but I also teach you how to make sure they stop coming up as much as they do right now. So essentially, the wall gets lower. It becomes a bit more of a hurdle than it is an actual climb.

If you know that this is what's been holding you back from experiencing the joy and going after the success that you want in your life, this is the exact work I do in coaching, and I know that I can help.

Book a free coaching call.

So just a quick reminder, if you haven't done so already, now might be the time to reach out to book that free breakthrough call with me so we can discuss exactly what coaching looks like and how to get you to those goals to point B. As, always, there's a link in the show notes to how to schedule that call with me.

Okay, but I want to give you another example of this. Your boss gives you a project, and the only way you're going to be able to crank that project out without working more hours is to do it during this time block that you've set aside for yourself to work on something else.

So I want you to imagine the emotions that are going to come up when you tell your boss, I can't get to that right of way, but here's when I can. Likely a whole lot of fear is going to surface.

Fear that you are not a high achiever.

Fear that they're going to think you're not a high achiever.

Fear that they think that you're not as committed to work.

Fear that you might be somebody that really can't get it all done, you can't handle it all and then that might lead to even more anxious thoughts about maybe not getting future projects or being put on projects that you really want to be put on.

Just a whole lot of anxiety. And that fear and that anxiety, that feeling of not being good enough or potentially not being good enough, that is the emotional wall that you have to climb, that you have to feel.

The words are simple.

My friends, the words are simple. All you have to say is, no, I can't get to that, or no, I'm not available. The words are so simple. You know what you need to say. That isn't the problem. It's dealing with all of the negative and icky feeling emotions that surface when you do.

So step three is protecting this time that you've set aside for yourself no matter the emotions that come up. It's being willing to feel all of those feelings that come up so that you can reach point B, so that you can reach the life that you want.

Step four, which is the last step, is about managing yourself when that time comes up, and during that time block. My clients tend to fall into two categories. Either they struggle to get the time set aside for them and on their calendar. Or likely they just keep moving it around because they're trying to accommodate everybody's requests.

Or, it gets on their calendar, but they end up not working on the thing that they've decided that they were going to work on. They end up doing a lot of the low-hanging fruit tasks, like checking their emails or messages, like getting through the five-minute tasks or the ten-minute tasks that they've been sitting on. Maybe they even work on that new urgent project that their boss just gave them.

So the time on their calendar, they get to that point and they've even set it aside. They're just not holding to the results that they said they would hold to. They're not accomplishing what they need to actually accomplish the important tasks that they need to accomplish.

The perfectionist struggle.

Now, this is where a lot of perfectionists struggle. It's where procrastination increases. And what I have found a lot of times is that if you are struggling to accomplish the thing that you've set aside to accomplish, there's either not a clear enough result that you've committed to, so you actually really haven't decided exactly what you're going to do during that time. It's not clear enough.

There's a fear of failure.

Or you haven't decided the progress that you're going to make, or there's a fear of needing to get it right to either use the time in the most effective way, in the right way, or to accomplish the task, whatever it is, in the right way. There's a fear of failure.

So I want you to imagine that you have a project with a deadline coming up that you haven't started. So you set aside time to work on it. You schedule it into your calendar, you determine the time slot that you're going to work on it, and that you're going to complete the entire project during that time. That's the result.

You put it on your calendar for next week. You overcome all of the emotions that come up when you have to deny a bunch of meeting requests and tell people that you're unavailable during that time.

And then finally that time block arrives for you to work on it. And because you have really put no intention into finishing this project, the task of finishing it in this two-hour block of time that you set aside, it feels really overwhelming and nearly impossible.

You feel confused about where to start. Maybe you sit and stare at your to-do list and ponder other things that you could be doing this time. Or you stare at an open word document wondering where to start. Or you read through all the slides one more time, just trying to get a sense of all of the things that you need to do. Has anyone been here? Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Of course you do.

Procrastination.

So what I see from a lot of high achievers is rather than problem solve for how to get started and what needs to get done, they procrastinate and essentially they just give themselves more time to accomplish it. Whatever the task is, they just decide, well, if I can't get it done now, I'll just have to work late to figure it out, to finish it.

Step four is not allowing yourself more time to achieve the results that you committed to achieving during this time block.

Now, I see a lot of my clients get stuck in I don't know, they get stuck in confusion, not knowing the next step for the project, not knowing the best way to approach something, not knowing exactly what to do. And they feel paralyzed by that.

And instead of asking themselves, hey, what do I know about what the next step is? Okay, what feels clear to me about what I need to do on this project? Okay, what's my best guess on how to approach this? And instead of doing that, they simply pick another task that they feel very clear on exactly what they're supposed to be doing. They pick that low hanging fruit. And look, it makes sense if you're feeling confused and overwhelmed with accomplishing the tasks for a project that you've set aside time for, it makes sense that you would avoid doing them.

If you're super confused and overwhelmed by them, you would just avoid doing them and instead do things that make you feel good. Quick Wins check your email, scroll social media, stay available to your teams and chat. Do that Quick Amazon order, get back to that person that you said you'd get back to them on, but you haven't. Doing the quick win feels good. What does not feel good is sitting in the overwhelm and confusion of trying to figure out your next step.

But look, everyone knows how to push themselves through confusion and overwhelm. I know you do, because when you have a deadline to meet and there's no option for you to work late to accomplish it, it's got to get done. You got to send it off by the end of day today. There is no option for you to move the deadline, delay the project, you get it done. You are somebody that knows how to deliver, and you get it done by turning off all of your apps, telling people you're unavailable, closing your door if anybody comes in to talk to you, or if anybody messages you. You say you're not available.

When you feel a little bit confused about what to do in the project, you just push through it and you just sort of decide and move on. Because there isn't enough time for you to sit and dwell in it.

That's why procrastinators like deadlines because it forces them to move forward and push through all of the icky feeling emotions that come up when you are not quite sure and you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.

What I want you to do is to essentially, do that on demand. You're giving yourself a time block, a time frame for which to accomplish a project, something you've determined is important, and you're committed to doing that no matter what.

Just like if there was a deliverable or if it was a deliverable and it was due at the end of the time block, you just had to commit to getting it done. I want that to be your result every single time.

Ask yourself one simple question.

When my clients feel confused and overwhelmed in these moments as we talk about it, I encourage them to just ask themselves one simple question: what's my best guess on what I should do next? Or how do I think I should approach this? And whatever their brain comes up with, I tell them to follow it.

This is how they learn to trust themselves and their instincts and their opinions and their knowledge. This builds self-trust.

So you've scheduled in time for yourself. You've decided exactly what you are going to accomplish during that time. You've protected that time and are willing to feel all of the emotions that come up with that. And when that time comes up and you feel overwhelmed and confused, you don't allow yourself more time to accomplish the task or the project. You push through the desire for more time and you follow your hunches.

Four steps - This is how you are going to become someone that prioritizes yourself, your tasks, your project, and your values.

Now, if you need help, that is where I come in. I have a coaching program where I work with you for six months one-on-one. We determine very clear measurable, and achievable goals for those six months. We check in regularly, week to week on progress on those goals to ensure that you're actually going to reach them.

You get a dropbox link with all of my material that is going to help you dive into the process of actually moving from point A to point B, becoming someone that follows through with their time and their tasks.

You will become someone that prioritizes themselves and their family over work.

I offer you support between calls. I use a private app that allows us to not just have texting conversations or email conversations, but an actual voice conversation. And I guarantee that if you show up and you do the work and you trust me and this process, you will reach your goals.

You will become someone that prioritizes themselves and their family over work. You will become someone that plans memorable adventures during your work week that makes time for a good book instead of a clean house all the time. Maybe you'll even pick up a hobby, something just for you.

For many of my clients, their relationship with their spouse grows stronger. They feel more connected. They have an ability to advocate for themselves, to communicate what they really need or want, which results in more promotions, more money, maybe even complete career changes. You will start to wake up with more energy, more clarity, more motivation, more joy.

This is what I want for you.

You can have the life that you want.

This is the movement that you are joining when you come to coaching. You're declaring that you can have the life that you want. You are declaring that you do not need to choose between work and family. You can have both.

The investment in coaching to reach these goals is $8,000, and I do offer a payment plan if that's necessary. So I want to encourage you if this podcast has been helpful for you, if this resonates with you as I talk about being a high achiever and having it all, and you know that you can't do this on your own, I want you to reach out. I want you to book that free breakthrough call where we can discuss exactly where you're at that point. A, discuss the point B, exactly where you want to be and talk about how coaching is going to guarantee you get there.

I can help. I can't wait to talk to you, schedule that free breakthrough call. You can go to www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book to find a time to connect with me.

I know you can do this. I know that the life that you want is just around the corner, and I can help you get there.

You are important. You are a priority.

All right working moms. Schedule in those times for yourselves. Hold to those times. You are important. You are a priority. I can't wait to talk to you next week. Until then, let's get to it.

Scheduling in (and keeping) time for you and your priorities