Do I Need to Scale Back My Career to Find Balance?

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Today, I'm tackling a question so many of us have asked: Should I pull back in my career? I dive into the systemic pressures that make moms feel like they should step back, the internal conflicts that come with it, and why simply cutting hours or quitting doesn’t always lead to balance and happiness. Plus, I’ll share key insights to help you answer this question for yourself and practical steps to create a life where you don’t have to choose between ambition and family. 

Topics in this episode:

  • Why moms struggle with the pull-back question 

  • The hidden risks of stepping back in your career (and why it doesn’t always bring balance) 

  • How your ambition can actually work for you, not against you 

  • The real solution to feeling balanced and in control of your time 

  • The fastest way to create sustainable work-life balance, without sacrificing success

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

Today on the podcast, I'm breaking down what's underneath this question that so many working moms struggle with. 

I'm covering the systemic problems we face as working moms that leads us to ask this question and consider pulling back in our career as well as the internal drivers that you might want to pay attention to. And of course, I'll end this podcast by offering you a key insight that will make answering this question so much easier, along with a couple of next steps. 

If you have ever asked yourself, should I pull back in my career for the sake of, myself and my family? This podcast was written for you. Are you ready? Let's get to it. 

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom. I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it. 

Hello, hello, working moms! Can you believe it's already February? That's crazy.

My kids actually have next week off. It's called Midwinter Break here in California, or at least in my district. And we're going to Disneyland, so I'm really excited about that. That is Disneyland Anaheim—the original, the better, in my opinion. But that's because I'm a California girl.

We've been watching these shows on Disney+ about how various attractions were created, designed, and innovated. It's been so fun to anticipate this trip with the kids and build excitement toward it. They're at the perfect age for Disneyland, so I'm super excited. But there is still so much work to be done.

Friends, this year is going to be a really amazing year. I'm putting together so many resources and content to really try to help you in your working mom journey.

I'm going to put out a small eBook coming up—I'm excited about that! Workshops, trainings… there's so much that I'm thinking about and so much to come.

Ambitious and Balanced

And of course, the very first thing is the next cohort of Ambitious and Balanced!

So if you haven’t heard, the doors are open. Yes, the next cohort is starting right here in February. February 24th, to be exact. I am only taking 10 women into this group coaching program.

This cohort - I don’t know if that’s always going to be the case, but this is going to remain a 10-person cohort. In less than three months, you are going to learn how to right-size your priorities so that you and your family continue to get the best while you stay super successful and productive at work at the same time.

No More Feeling Like You Have to Choose

Essentially, this program is about eradicating that feeling like you have to choose between your job that you love and your family, which is obviously the most important thing to you.

This round of the cohort is starting soon. And if you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while or even been implementing some of the strategies and things that I talk about here - but you just need more support, or maybe you’ve been able to implement some of these strategies and they’ve worked sort of temporarily, but things just kind of slip back into old habits…

If this is you, then I am your coach, and this is the perfect time for us to work together.

How to Join

In order to join this cohort, you have to schedule a 30-minute consultation call with me because I’m only taking women into this program that I think are the perfect fit. And I can guarantee that you are going to walk away with the work-life balance that you desire.

So, the doors are open now! They actually close this Friday, the 7th. That’s this Friday. I am taking consultations this week and then again the week that I get back from Disneyland.

You can get all of the details of the program and schedule that call by going to my website: RebeccaOlsonCoaching.com and then clicking on Ambitious and Balanced. There, you’ll find all the details, all the dates, and you just click on one of those buttons to sign up for your consultation call.

Should I Pull Back in My Career?

Okay, so one of the amazing women that joined Ambitious and Balanced—we had a conversation last week, and she talked about this lingering question that she has.

It’s such a common question that I get and that I know so many of you are asking yourselves. I really wanted to address it right here in its own episode.

The Big Question

Okay, so here’s the question: Should I just go down to four days a week?

Now, for you, it may be more time than that, right? Maybe you’re even considering not working at all for a season and just being a stay-at-home mom—at least for a period of time. Or maybe you’re considering part-time work in some way.

The Heart of the Question

Right. The heart of what this question is essentially asking is: Should I pull back in my career?

And then there’s kind of the implication of that—why are you doing it? Is it in order to create more balance? To be happy? To manage life in some way?

Right? So that’s the question: Should I pull back in my career?

The Unspoken Truth About This Question

And I want to stop for a moment and acknowledge something that is really inherent in this question.

That is—the fact that men or fathers essentially don’t ask this question of themselves. It is the women, the moms, who do. They are the ones wondering if they should sacrifice their career for the sake of their family.

I want to mention that because it reminds us that this is a systemic problem.

We, as a culture and a society, might believe on some level that women should have equal opportunity and be treated fairly within the workforce. And yet, culturally, we believe something different.

Recognizing that part of how you think about answering this question has to do with this systemic problem is important.

I’m going to get into that in just a moment, but I wanted to start by acknowledging it.

Let’s talk a little bit more about why this question comes up.

Okay, so we know it comes up because our culture brings it up—essentially. We believe that, as women, we should be the primary caretakers of our family and our children, and therefore, we should sacrifice ourselves if needed.

You are literally influenced by that every day—in the media, in advertisements, on social media, and in our work culture. Right?

So we know that’s one of the reasons why we ask this question of ourselves—if we should pull back in our career—because we sort of feel obligated to. Like, we’re the ones who are supposed to.

The Internal Conflict

But for some of you, at least, there’s a real internal conflict here as well. I know that because I experienced it myself.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had absolutely no desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I assumed that when I got back from maternity leave, I would get right back into work, be ready to send her off to daycare, and things would just sort of go back to normal. Right?

But the reality is, that day came for me to return—and I was an absolute disaster.

My work gave me plenty of flexibility to ease myself back into the job. Any accommodation I asked for, they gave it to me. But I just couldn’t shake that feeling—like I wanted to be with her more than I was.

I couldn’t shake the guilt that somebody else was taking care of my daughter—raising my daughter, essentially—instead of me. I couldn’t shake the thought that I was letting her down, that I wasn’t giving her the best life.

And I couldn’t shake what felt like literal agony and guilt that I was feeling all the time.

Recognizing Postpartum Anxiety

Now, I know now that I was dealing with a lot of postpartum anxiety that was going undiagnosed. And to be honest, I didn’t even realize I was experiencing that until I had my son almost two and a half years later—because I didn’t experience any of those feelings and thoughts with him.

So I realized—oh my gosh—I was really dealing with some serious stuff with my daughter that was going undiagnosed.

More Than Just Hormones

I know part of this was hormonal—that was a piece of it for me.

But I also know that wasn’t the whole piece because there was simply this fundamental desire to want to be with my daughter more than a full-time job would allow.

And that might be the case for you right now.

My job was over an hour commute, which meant I was spending at least two hours a day commuting and not spending time with my family.

Then, I went through a season of adjusting my schedule—getting into the office at like 7 AM. Which meant I had to be up at 5, out the door by 6, to be at work by 7—so that I could leave a little earlier, beat some traffic, and spend a little more time with my daughter.

I literally made every adjustment that we felt like I could—on a financial level, too—because there were obviously implications to that. And it still didn’t feel like enough.

The Cultural and Workplace Expectations

We have a culture and a workplace that tells us we need to be spending more time with our children and be their primary caretakers as well.

And you potentially have this feeling inside of you that confirms—that’s what you want, right?

Or maybe it’s not this overwhelming desire. Maybe it’s just more about the management of your household.

The Overwhelming Reality of Working Parenthood

Like—you are a two-working-parent household. Maybe you have a couple of kids, and as they’re getting older, there are lots of activities, pickups and drop-offs, homework, a schedule that literally feels insane to you.

And it feels like there’s no other option but for one of you to pull back in your career.

And of course, we, as a culture, mostly believe that should be the woman. And so—that’s what takes place.

Family Pressures and Guilt

Or maybe you grew up with a mom who was a stay-at-home mom, and there’s this cultural or familial pressure to do the same.

And because of that, you feel terrible about yourself as a mom—feeling like you’re letting down your kids all the time because you choose to work or because you have to work.

Whatever the combination of reasons is for you, it makes sense why your brain might be questioning if pulling back in your career is the best choice for you and your family.

However—you are an ambitious, career-driven, goal-focused woman.

Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be listening to this particular podcast—a podcast devoted to teaching you how to have both and not choose between work or home.

Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be drawn to me or to joining one of my programs.

The Lingering Questions

And so, there’s another set of questions that sort of lingers in your head when it comes to considering pulling back in your career.

And it’s this: Will I be happy?

Like, essentially—will this work? Will I, in fact, feel more balanced and be able to manage the household? Will I feel better?

Because that’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it?

It’s about wanting to feel like you’re doing the right things, that you’re living your best life, that you’re not going to have any regrets.

It’s about making sure that the change you’re making in your career is going to yield the results that you want.

In this case—balance, calmness, happiness, control over your time.

The Reality of Quitting

Because here’s the reality—I’ve had clients who have been in total burnout, who have quit their jobs.

And while that has brought temporary relief, they found that they still were not happy.

They still were not feeling balanced. They still felt this push and pull—like they should be doing more.

And now that they weren’t bringing in an income to their family, they felt this need to deliver even more to the family on some level.

Right? Keeping the house clean, getting their kids involved in everything, making sure that dinner is made at the end of the day.

I had one client that quit her job because she just really longed to be with her kids and she didn’t love her job.

And several weeks into not having her job, she was telling me that she still wasn’t feeling like she was spending enough time with her kids.

And on top of that, she was like—they were driving her crazy.

So she went from having a full-time job and only seeing her kids a couple of hours a day to having no job, spending the entire day with them, and then still feeling like it wasn’t enough.

Finding Direction & Balance

Now, luckily, we were working together, so we were able to like really pick this apart, spend some time thinking about what was really important to her, what she really wanted out of this next season of life, what her next job might be.

We were able to like step back, really give her brain some direction. She was able to learn all the tools she needed to learn to calm down, her brain, get back in control, make some really powerful decisions for herself.

And in the end, she did feel that sense of peace, balance, and enough feeling.

But thank goodness we were working together through that process.

Quitting Isn’t a Guaranteed Solution

And I tell you this story because I want you to understand that pulling back in your career in order to have more time with your family is not going to guarantee that you feel happiness, balance, and calmness—or whatever it is that you wanna feel. Right?

It might help, right? It might help create a set of circumstances or a schedule in your life that feels more manageable.

But—you hear me say this a lot on the podcast—a perfect schedule or a perfect set of circumstances is not what is going to make you happy or create balance for you.

Another reason why pulling back in your career might not create happiness or balance or calm that you desire is because of your ambitious nature.

That’s a fear that a lot of my clients have. They’ve always been career-driven. They’ve always had their eyes sort of set on the next thing. They love to achieve. They have a high capacity to get things done. A lot of their identity is found in their job. Right?

That’s a piece of them that’s really important. It has made them successful in life.

And not having that or like pulling back on that, that makes them a little bit worried. And to be honest, it sort of should. That’s such a big piece of who you are. Your ambition is a piece of what makes you unique and it makes you special. Right?

The question: Can I still be a high achiever and just be a stay-at-home mom or just work part-time? - that’s a really important question to be considering if you’re thinking about pulling back on your career.

The Fear of Returning to Work

Another set of questions that comes up for the women that I work with when they’re considering pulling back in their career is this:

What happens if and when I return to work full-time?

Essentially—how is that gap going to affect me? Will I feel relevant to my industry?

These sets of questions have a really harsh reality to them.

And that is why I started this whole conversation in this episode talking about the systemic problem that we have—at least in America, here.

Because the reality is—the system is not in your favor. I’m not saying that you cannot get right back into the workforce, be paid exactly where you left off, and that the gap won’t matter.

I coach women all the time on having that mindset—because it is that mindset that’s going to help you re-enter the workforce with more confidence, validation, and strength.

But—the system is stacked against you.

The Data on Career Gaps for Women

I was reading about a study done in Europe—or maybe it was just in Britain, actually—and it found that female managers dropped 32% after having kids. And simultaneously, female admins grew by 44%.

Which means that women stopped getting promoted after having kids—probably a large percentage of them because they pulled back in their career at that moment when they were having kids.

And it seems like a good portion of them got back into the workforce—or remained in the workforce—but in a lower-level job, like an admin. Right?

The Long-Term Impact

The study also went on to show this:

44% of women who went back into the workforce made less than when they left.

And not only that—it took women an average of 10 years to get back up to the level of salary and the level of work that they were at before they had left—to have a full career recovery. 10 years on average.

These statistics are really hard. They’re hard to hear. And for sure, these types of numbers should not dictate your decisions in life. They should not dictate what you decide to do or not do. But—you would be ignorant if you were not considering them.

So let's move on and talk about how to answer this question. Should I pull back in my career in order to be more happy, spend more time with the kids, feel more balanced? Right. That’s what this whole episode is about—answering this question.

Whenever someone asks me this question on a consultation call or a breakthrough call, I always come back with this:

If I could show you how to have a life where you feel more balanced—where there’s enough energy at the end of your day for your kids and for yourself and for your marriage…Where you are not going into work every day feeling anxious and behind and overwhelmed…But instead—you are really confident in your skills, confident in what you produce, how much you produce…Where saying no gets a whole lot easier…Where you are not always wishing to be spending more time with your kids…If I could teach you how to do that—and you remained at your current job, or in your line of work generally, at your level—is that what you would want?

The answer to this question is really, really important because it tells us—

Is this a work-life balance issue?

Where you are literally just missing the skills and the rhythms to create a life that truly feels balanced—where you feel in control of your time and you’re really living aligned with your values and your long-term goals?

My Own Story

Because if I circle back to my own story—right—my work gave me all of these accommodations.

And I actually started working five hours less so I could leave work even earlier every day.

They gave me all these accommodations, but none of it felt right.

I already knew that I wasn’t in a job that I really loved anymore. And I needed to find something that made that trade-off—of not being with my daughter—worth it.

I knew I didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom.

But my work needed to matter.

And that is what ultimately set me down this path of building my own internal compass, getting in touch with my bigger dreams, and making the career shift into coaching.

A Client's Story: The Chaos of a Big Promotion

I have an example of a client—I mean, many clients, really—but the one I’m thinking of, she took a really big promotion.

She got into a job and… and then it was just like absolute chaos after that.

She was the director of a department. She was massively stressed and exhausted all of the time.

She was only about six months into the job when she reached out to me and we started working together.

But—she was already considering her exit.

She just assumed she really couldn’t hack it at this level. Like maybe she just wasn’t cut out for this.

And by the time we really started to work together, she was already considering job transitions, talking to recruiters.

Asking the Right Question

But when I asked her—if I could teach her how to stay in this job and manage life in a way that felt really in alignment with who she wanted to be, the mom she wanted to be, the life that she wanted to have—is that what she really wanted?

Her answer was yes.

Making It Work

So ultimately, that’s what we did.

We got to work helping her align her life with her priorities.

What If That's Not You?

But maybe that’s not you.

Maybe you’re more like me—and you’ve always dreamed about having a part-time job, or being more flexible in your work schedule, or being a stay-at-home mom.

Or maybe your fear of regret is so high that we just need to explore this option of maybe pulling back in your job.

And if that is you—working with me one-on-one is going to be the fastest way to answer this question and ensure that you don’t have any regrets.

If Your Answer Is Yes…

But—if your answer is like my client…

Yes—you do want to stay in this job. Or at least, you want to remain working full-time.

Yes—you want to remain ambitious. You want to prioritize your career.

Yes—you want to continue to make an impact in the way that you are.

And—you want to be financially independent in the ways that you are now.

And—you don’t want to change any of that.

If you could do that and feel more balanced—is that what you really want?

Your Next Step: Joining Ambitious and Balanced

And if it is, then joining the next cohort of Ambitious and Balanced is truly your next step.

This program is the fastest way for you to learn how to live life based on your priorities and the things that really matter to you.

I’m going to teach you the skill set of:

  • Priority-first calendaring

  • Guilt-free boundary setting

  • Emotional pivoting

All the things you need in order to create a life that is truly sustainably balanced—not just now, but always.

By the end of this program, and having learned these skills, you will have time in your week that is devoted to you—where you just feel like a real person again.

You could read a book. You could see friends. You could go on a walk. Pick up a hobby, for that matter.

By the end of this program, you’re not going to feel like work is your whole life.

There’s time in your schedule that you’re really spending with your family. And that time—you feel very present in it. It feels like enough to you.

You actually look forward to conversations and snuggles that might happen when you put your kids to sleep—instead of just waiting for them to finally fall asleep so you can get out the door and get back to work again.

Taking Control of Your Time

You’re going to stop feeling like a victim of your time and start feeling like your calendar is spacious, filled with meetings and commitments that really matter to you.

And—you’re going to feel much more valuable to your company.

You’re going to let it sink in how amazing a mom you truly are.

And the guilt and the stress will literally feel like it melts away.

This is the only program that I know of that is teaching you how to stay focused on your ambitions and at the same time be the most amazing mom.

I got you.

I know who you are.

I have been one of you.

I am one of you.

Spots Are Filling Up—Let’s Talk!

Spots are filling up, and I really want to talk to you about joining this next cohort. So like I said at the beginning of the episode, I am taking 30-minute consultation calls this week and over the next couple of weeks leading up to the start date of this particular group—Monday, February 24th.

And—even if you can’t join this cohort for whatever reason—let’s still talk on a consultation call.

Still book that call so that you can join the next cohort.

I can give you all the dates for the next cohort so that you can be 100% committed to creating a sustainably balanced life.

So that you feel amazing in your job.

Whether we start in a couple of weeks, if you join the next cohort, or we start in a couple of months—I want you to join this program and move towards the life that you’ve always dreamed of.

You Don’t Have to Pull Back in Your Career

You don’t have to give up your job. You do not have to pull back in your career. I don’t want you to do that—if this is just simply a work-life balance problem.

If you could learn how to stay in your job, maintain it, and maybe even get promoted in it—and still feel balanced, still feel like you’re giving your family the best—if that’s what you want…I am your coach. And this is your program.

Answering that question—it’s going to tell you what your solution is, right? It’s going to tell you if you have a work-life balance problem and you need to double down into learning all of the skill sets related to that.

Or—if you have a misaligned values problem, and you need to figure out what is next for you in your life, in this season, in your future—whatever that might be.

If You Need a Bigger Change, I Can Help With That Too

And if that’s you—I can help you with that as well. But that would be more like in one-on-one coaching together. And I can tell you all about that as well.

Working moms—don’t let this question continue. Like—don’t keep mulling over this question and not answering it.

So many of my clients that come to me—and the one that even sparked my desire to give this episode—like, you’ve literally been thinking about this for a while. Like—it keeps coming up.

"Should I just pull back in my career?"
"Should I go down to part-time?"
"Is that the solution here?"

If you’ve been thinking that over and over and over again—now is the time to double down and answer that question for yourself.

I got you.

Either way—I would love to connect with you, be your coach, and take you to the next level.

Until next week, moms—go to www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced to learn more about the next cohort. Get all the dates. And then—schedule that consultation call.

Or—I shall see you next week. Till then, let’s get to it.

Rebecca Olson